Via bookofjoe, the humorous “Philosophy of Kissing” from Dr. Rude of The Unnatural Enquirer

Aristotelian kiss: a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data, by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.

Gödelian kiss: a kiss that takes an extraordinarily long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you’ve been kissed or not.

Grouchoic kiss: a kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who would not kiss him or her.

More types of kisses here.

Technically I think a Gödelian kiss would be one where you couldn’t consistently maintain the falsity of the statement “a kiss is just a kiss” in any system that includes arithmetical expressions. But that’s close enough.

Actually I’d add

Freudian Kiss: Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.

If the Dr. Rude’s post is funny, Kizz of The Women’s Colony Bedroom blog is sweet when she discusses five of her most memorable kisses (where “memorable” sometimes means joyous, sometimes means first, and other times means sad or incomplete.)

My first French kiss. In the outdoor entryway of the small town’s public library. Raining out. With a geek. Nice enough guy but one of the sort whose nerdiness trends toward arrogance. It was chilly. My nose was running but I was embarrassed to wipe it. It was awful. He pumped his tongue in and out in a way that brought oil derricks to mind. Rhythmic, intrusive, completely devoid of emotion.

Read about the rest of her memorable kisses here.

My first kiss was also my first French kiss was also one of the nicest kisses I’ve ever, ever had. It was at a pre-Christmas party for some kids from my high school, or maybe even Jr. High. Someone’s cousin was visiting from out of town. There was mistletoe. I’m not at all sure how we got to that point — I think maybe others had been doing it — but she asked if I was going to kiss her (no way I’d have thought to do it myself) and so I did. I remember her thick wool sweater, and her upturned face, and I think I remember that she was standing on the first step on a flight of stairs or something because I remember I was quite a bit taller than she, and oh my do I remember that kiss! Our lips just perfectly fit together, and parted naturally. Our tongues met softly and delicately swirled and lingered a moment longer before we stopped. She exhaled. I did too. That was it. We hung out a bit before the party ended. I returned to my home, she returned to her hometown, and we never saw each other again.

It was several years before I had a chance to kiss anyone else.

How ‘bout yours?

I don’t much care for my own semen although I don’t not care for it either. And so I don’t mind kissing after coming at all. I’m pretty sure I’ve said so but since it’s been too long do you know what I really really like instead?

Unless we’d agreed I was to come that way I’d always, always rather wait till you were just instants from toppling me before (sometimes rather desperately, always very passionately) pulling you up so we could kiss. Because… I don’t know… it might be from the heat, or excitement, or activity, or I don’t know what but there’s something about fellatio that makes people’s mouths wonderfully soft and full and very nice to kiss.

Trading back and forth that way, first eating and then being eaten, with date-night-heavy kissing in between is just so deluxe. And yeah, sooner or later it has to end, but why not later? And if when later came you coaxed my fall into your mouth the way I felled you with mine? Kissing after that’s great too.

So back in 2005 I wrote about foods and flavors people like to lick off each other’s bodies in a post called Body Recipes. In that post I mentioned that while sweet, fruity, and minty flavors seem like the most popular choices I think savory flavors are highly underappreciated. Cumins, and soys, vinegarettes or mayonnaise or hollendaise sauces, and cream, mushroom, and even tomato sauces marvelously enhance people flavors.

While whipping up lunch for my children (I’ve mentioned in the past that my most salacious thoughts happen when I’m doing domestic things) I thought of another flavor that, while again not at all conventional, nevertheless meets rather than masks the way our partners taste and smell.

You know about lickable body dust that you sometimes see in retail and online sex shops? Some of the flavors are quite sophisticated and not at all artificial but again they tend towards the florals and mints.

But, seriously, you know what I’d love to powder-puff or sprinkle over a partner’s breasts, to sift over her shoulders and neck and down her back? On Not in huge clouds, of course, but just the lightest dusting?

The cheese stuff that comes in pouches inside boxes of macaroni and cheese. (No, not the orange stuff, the normal, white-cheddar stuff like Annie’s and other vendors use.

No, I’m not crazy. And don’t say you don’t know what I’m talking about. Even better, the stuff (the better stuff anyway) really is mostly just dried and powedred cheddar cheese, a little salt, a little lactose or maltose for a hint of sweetness, and possibly the kind of “anti-caking” ingredients they tend to put in cosmetics anyway. The point being that (as, I just remembered, Holly of Self Portrait as… says) it’s all surprisingly compatible with our bodies.

All that plus it just tastes great when I lick it off my fingers so it ought to taste great when you lick it off yours (say you don’t love having your fingers kissed, licked, and sucked on) or other parts (say you don’t love having anywhere else kissed, licked, and sucked on either.)