partner preference

Scents and Non-scents

Fri, 2008-08-15 15:13

Commons
Photo “Drue checks Heather’s pheromones” by Flickr user Brouhaha (Jonathan). Used under a Creative Commons license.

Oh Noes! Teh Pill! It affects Woemenz Nozez! ZOMG!**

Because you know what windup little smell-driven automatons women are. Because without that nasty Pill bollixing your nostrils you’d all go back to sticking with your partners no matter how big an asshole they turned out to be. Better outlaw them pills then.

Whatevs.

Actually, I heard about the study, or maybe something along the same lines, some time last Winter, before it got picked up and politicized as some kind of reason women shouldn’t be allowed to take the pill. Instead fellow classmate brought it up during her student research presentation on the effect of scent on sexual arousal.

The way she told it was that non-pregnant women are often more attracted to the smell of men who are genetically unlike them, but when they are they prefer the scent of men they’re more closely related to. She said that since hormonal birth control simulates pregnancy that going on the pill can alter one’s preference for the scent of one’s partner.

That actually made sense, and a number of women in the class nodded and said they’d noticed something like that when going on or off the pill during a relationship.

But here’s the deal: neither the presenter nor anyone who nodded their heads indicated it was a particularly big deal.

Which suggests, as with the stupid oxytocin-burnout argument for (only women, naturally) avoiding multiple partners***, the scent-preference-altering phenomenon, even if it does exist, can’t be all that strong, right? I mean think about how the ‘winger vision’s supposed to go

A) Non-pregnant women like the way unrelated men smell, so
B) They form lifelong, abstinenet-till-marriage, monogamous-afterwards relationships with these unrelated men, and
C) Become pregnant, whereupon according to these theories
D) Their scent preferences just as they would during pill-induced artificial preference change meaning… what?
E) While they lose interest in these genetically heterodox-scented partner for the duration of their pregnancies?

Except, well
F) I don’t think it works that way. Or
G) If it does it’s not a very strong effect, because
H) Pregnant women would always avoid their genetically heterodox-scented husbands and hang out with their genetically “homodox”-scented male relatives, which
I) We don’t, um, actually see because
J) Scent isn’t the only attraction criteria in the first place, nor
K) Even if scent was the only criteria items A-I suggest it couldn’t be terribly determinative because, y’know, most people stay together
L) Whether they’re pregnant, or on the pill, or not

[** In other words a lot of people have been commenting on the peculiar conclusion anti-contraceptive types have drawn about a very small, not-even-all-that-recent study about hormonal contraception and scent. —fl]

[** The claim is that repeated oxytocin release with multiple partners causes women to burn out on romance. The fly in that ointment is that pregnancy releases a gazillion times more oxytocin and yet after birth most women a) continue to harbor romantic feelings after birth and b) consider having additional children. Part b being, for me, the bigger deal breaker. If a little too much oxytocin is supposed to make one unable to form romantic attachments ever again then lots more of the same stuff ought to make women disinclined to get pregnant again or, especially, disinclined to love subsequent children. And not to put too fine a point on it, in most cases where we encounter women burning out on romance or childbearing the reasons tend to be a lot more clear cut than hormone-receptor exhaustion. But I digress… —fl]

Optimum vs. Maximum: Deflating the Alleged Bisexual Conundrum

Wed, 2008-03-19 09:49


Photo by Flickr user antosousa. Used under a Creative Commons license.

In a general disquisition on attractions to different sexes, Julie of r e d l i g h t says

A common belief is that bisexuals cannot be happy when they pick only a man or only a woman. I believe this is wrong. I mean, I’m attracted to brunettes and redheads, but if I date a brunette, I don’t also need to have a redhead on the side. Granted, hair color is insignificant compared to penis/vagina, but the comparison fits my point of view.

Read the quote in context here.

Pretty much sums it up why the assumption that bisexuals are automatically interested in three-ways or polyamory are overblown.

Many years ago a small-is-beautiful curmudgeon I read complained that a lot of people have a tendency to equate the words maximum and optimum. He quipped that an optimum body temperature was 98.6 F degrees, but it was by no means the maxumum body temperature.

Of course some bisexuals think multiple partners are or would be the bee’s knees, but most likely only in the same way non-bisexuals would — because they believe or else they’ve discovered it would be a lovely experience — and not because as bisexuals the only way they can find fulfillment is by simultaneously experiencing both.

Update: Hmm. Must be something in the atmosphere as there seem to be a lot of reflective posts about the reality vs. fantasy of bisexuality today.

Best by far is Piny of Feministe, not least for a nice bit of grounding snark

I am shy, and I do tend to dress like someone who expects to get paint all over her clothes at some point in the day, but…I do not understand this argument. I hear it a lot. Where is all this sex that we’re supposed to be having? Why have I not seen the benefit of these increased odds? Why aren’t all my bi-identified friends living lives of idle cheatin’, as opposed to the durable partnerships they seem to commit themselves to? Are we some sort of aberration?

You’d probably enjoy the rest of her post too. Read it here.

But also extra credit for linking it with another, even more pernicious and perilous myth

And maybe I’m wrong to say that this argument makes exactly as much sense as the belief that your gay coworker will attempt to hump your leg in the men’s room because, after all, you have a penis.

Can’t remember who it was that said it’s pretty arrogant of straight men to imagine themselves attractive to gay men. I think it’s a little more complicated than that (men, who unlike women are the sex class in the dominant paradigm, and therefore get a little panicky around gay men because of that suddenly-pesky indoctrination never to say no) but arrogance or no it’s still more of the same when we imagine bisexual partners would be eager to bring their same-as-their-sex friends along to bed with us. And if the next thought it “maybe instead they want to bring same-as-*our*-sex friends that’s still living inside other fantasies.

Still not to say it doesn’t or couldn’t happen, just that the odds don’t really go up as much as the standard fantasy insists.

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