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premature ejaculation

"Stamina" Pillows? *Stamina?*

Thu, 2009-01-08 19:20 — figleaf

Somebody named Simcha at The Frisky makes with the funny.

Stamina Pillows Stop Men In Their Sacks


Thumbnail image from The Frisky.

Men premature ejaculate because you are just too damn fine! Girl, you know it’s true! Well, that’s the concept behind Durex’s new limited edition Stamina Pillows. Originally given away with their Performa condoms that have a mild anesthetic to prevent dudes from beating you to the finish line, the cases feature some not-so-sexy pictorials—like an old bag lady with pigtails, a pearl necklace, and armpit hair licking her lips. It’s pretty creepy. But there’s also a redheaded guy with cabbage patch bangs sucking on a lollipop and we think he could be Michael K from Dlisted’s soul mate. Hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, it might not work for everyone! However, we’re willing to try anything if it means we’ll get to party with our pants off for even just a few more minutes.

Read the quote in context here.

What. Ever.

First of all, even though they only seem elderly instead of misshapen or unattractive the people in the photos don’t do much for me either but then I’m not close to them in age. And since I distinctly remember my early teens when my peers and I felt sorry mostly vague dismay for older, “one-foot-in-the-grave” college-aged men and women I suspect the alleged flaws in these pillow photo models are more a matter of the onlooker’s generational perspective (or lack thereof) than of the models themselves. Call that strike one against the pillows.

What also makes it jarring is the effect of even-older-than-usual people striking “sexy” poses and facial expressions derived from… the generally naive flirtations of school children. You’d have to click through to the article to see them but… where exactly did that finger-in-the-mouth or slurping-a-lollipop look get lumped over into sexy? (And everybody laughs at Senator Vitters’ diaper fetish!) Anyway, I’ve noticed in general that actual grown up men and women in their 20s, let alone 40s, let alone older, tend to flirt and express arousal in ways that make sense for their ages and experience. Call that strike two.

Finally, though, I’m also struck by the name, “Stamina Pillows,” and the implications that the solution for premature ejaculation would be presumed psychological dismay of envisioning people one isn’t (yet) old enough to be attracted to. I mean… seriously… what’s the intention here?!?! Never mind intentions, what are the implications?

Here we are, men supposed to be all selfishly, short-sightedly, thinking-with-the-little-head obsessed with our own gratification and… during holy-grail-for-men intercourse we’re… memorizing baseball scores? Reviewing tax tables? Contemplating allegedly non-sexy elders?

Sheesh, and we complain that women think about shopping lists?

Maybe…

Just maybe…

Nahh… communications, creativity, taking turns, and maybe getting over the idea of intercourse as the sexual end-goal couldn’t possibly result in overall more frequent, let alone more frequently enjoyable sex. For all involved.

Couldn’t be.

That would be strike three.

An Opportunity to Talk About What Sex Means

Fri, 2008-12-12 07:28 — figleaf

From kazanit of Voices of American Sexuality (for instance)

From the creators of “Dick in a Box” comes another hit music video: “Jizz in my Pants”. It might not be the most positive approach to premature ejaculation, but at least it gets people talking (or singing) about it.

Read the quote in context here.

So. Funny about men and attitudes about premature ejaculation, especially in the first-encounter/random-hookup contexts presented in the video. . I mean… an orgasm’s an orgasm, right? And “there’s no such thing as bad sex,” right? And men care only about getting their rocks off so… what’s the problem here?

It’s… almost as though… men were interested in… something besides getting their rocks off.

That’s not necessarily a good thing. For instance on the downside it’s pretty clear from the context of the videos that any enjoyment the gentlemen “jizzing in their pants” experienced from their spontaneous orgasms are overcome** by their greater concern about social loss of face. Ok, and the discomfort of sticky pants. But on the upside there’s the implicit acknowledgment that “even” for men sex means more than orgasms. And even though the context of the video implies it’s all about Teh Hookup there’s often a lot of anxiety around sexual prowess standing in for desirability, where desirability is kind of key to the establishment of, you know, relationships. (Again however superficial the video implies the depicted relationships might be.)

If I was running a high-school or college-level sex-ed class I’d use that video not to introduce a section on premature ejaculation (too obvious… and probably a little too triggering for those who chronically experience it) but to begin a discussion of what people want out of sex compared to what we just assume they do.

[** Oh dear, that pun was unintended as well. —fl]

Here's Your Hat and...

Sun, 2008-06-22 15:11 — figleaf


Photo by Flickr user rainspoo. Used under a Creative Commons license.

Yet another thread in the tangled knot of the “no-sex” class paradigm. Back in March of last year, while describing a rendezvous in a hotel that really does charge by the hour, The Ethical Slut said of her partner at the time…

Chuckles being a sweet 26-year-old, he only lasted about 3 minutes. When I told him that maybe he should hold back on cumming, he looked at me strange and said, “Why would I do that?” Ah, children are so cute.

She said it here.

Chuckles evidently somewhat made up in frequency what he made up in duration but still… when you hear about guys who think sex is all about them, or who thinks that sex is just something for guys for women too well, that’s what I’m talking about.

“Why would I do that?” Woof!

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