Ms. Inconspicuous of The Seduction of Infidelity illustrates the difference between BDSM and abuse.

I wail, the pain of such an abrupt, forceful penetration reverberating with pleasure in my body. He teases me, torments me…tortures me. Going hard and deep, then slowing down and taunting me with his words. Telling me how he’s going to take me with no mercy. Take me how he wants me. Take me screaming. Take me pleading for him to stop. Take me until he can’t stand it any longer.

I shiver and shudder in his words, each one sending a delicious thrill through my body.

Then, in a quiet and intense moment of sexual pleasure coupled with violence, I sniffle.

I am used to him turning from light to dark—unleashing a beast when he has come in lamb’s skin—but I am not used to the quick turn the other way (not until he orgasms, at least).

I sniffle, sick and feverish.

“Oh, honey…”

Something in him clicks and all the tension goes out of his body. He kisses me and kisses me, holding my head in his gentle palms, smoothing back the mussed hair from my forehead. He pushes up my blindfold and takes my tied-together wrists from their secured location above my head; instead placing them around his neck.

Read the quote in context here.

I don’t know why lovers play any of the sexual games with each other that we do. And if you’re not familiar with or comfortable with submission and dominance then the story might make no sense at all.

But there’s a difference is that unlike real cruelty or real abuse a game is only a game, and therefore can be called on account of rain, or sniffles. And that makes a huge difference.

—-

Incidentally it have made more sense for Ms. I to have communicated her illness before her partner came over. The rules of sex safety apply even when the infection is traditionally socially transmitted. Negotiations of BDSM also apply in both directions, meaning that even though she was up for their usual activities he might have preferred negotiating different rules for their encounter. That plus he might have brought some chicken soup.

Update: In comments Ms. Inconspicuous pointed out that she did warn him. My bad. Actually my worse since the aside sort of detracts from my main point and her story. I apologize.

Stacy at I Met a Possum asks the ironic but evidently not rhetorical question “Is there anything that can’t be turned into a ‘sexy’ Halloween costume.”

“Sexy Tin-Man” costume image found at I Met a Possum.

Evidently not. She’s turned up images of a sexy Statue of Liberty costume, a sexy Plymouth Pilgrim costume, sexy defense and prosecuting attorneys and sexy judge costumes, a sexy Wizard-of-Oz Tin-man costume with kicky silver boots, sexy Freddy Kreuger and Jason costumes, and a (kid you not) sexy fried-chicken restaurant clerk costume! Oh, and a sexy plumber-with-butt-crack costume.

The model for the sexy defense-attorney costume is shown holding glasses, which makes it my favorite… but sadly they’re not included in the $52.99 package so never mind.

Which reminds me of that post by the now long-gone Olympia Matisse about the difference between purchasable “sexy” costumes and actual sexy costumes. (And possibly predictably I just realized her analysis — that commercial costumes, like Victoria Secrets lingerie, signifies sexualized but safely not really at all sexual intent — ties in beautifully with the “no-sex” class paradigm.)

At any rate, there being enough time to plan ahead, what’s your idea of the most absurd “sexy job” Halloween costume anyway? And if you instead wanted to be actually sexy, instead of safely “sexy,” what costume (do it yourself or purchased) would you choose?

(For the record the sexiest costume I ever got was a vintage diplomat’s morning suit, a tuxedo-like outfit with doeskin-soft pants with a modest but consipicuous button fly, a Jacard-woven vest, a long but unvented “tails” jacket, a tall top hat and… five-and-a-half inch black platform boots that, combined, made me more than seven feet tall. A pair of fangs I wheedled from a friend who’s dad owned a dental-supply lab and a little gothic makeup and I looked…

Well, to be honest I looked like I evidently usually didn’t. Because that evening at the Halloween bash an amazing number of strangers asked me, humidly, to bite them compared to the number that usually asked me to bite them before or since. Which would be pretty much zero, before or since. (Hmm….)

(Via Neatorama)

Still following up on the twenty questions I found at Amorous Rocker of Not Your Average Chick that I decided to answer one at a time instead of all in a rush. So…

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To:

This is probably going to be short. And maybe even sweet. I can write dirty words, and certainly think dirty thoughts. I can even role-play talking dirty if I have a little time to think about it. Although I tend to prefer innuendo to the actual seven dirty words. And of course there’s all the things two or more people can say when they’re flirting.

But past that? Pretty much by the time you have your hand have moved anywhere on my body but my shoulders I just have a very difficult time forming complete words. Let alone complete sentences.

It’s not that I become clumsy any other way. Quite the opposite really. It’s that the more physical I become the more my ability to express myself migrates from centers of speech into my body — my hands especially but my arms and legs, my mouth, my torso and cock.

I still have ears, though, and so if you can still talk dirty I’m likely to respond very enthusiastically.

Update: Outside the scope of the question I’m just as enthusiastic about soft sighs or sharp intakes of breath.

Photo by Flickr user tapperboy. Used under a Creative Commons license.

Still following up on the twenty questions I found at Amorous Rocker of Not Your Average Chick that I decided to answer one at a time instead of all in a rush. So…

10. Bite or Suck:

Usually when someone says “bite me” they’re being… well, non-gender specific, maybe but still not exactly polite. On the other hand they also say “you suck” so I guess that’s a wash. Which is sort of a nuisance since both can feel wonderful under the right circumstances.

When I was very young and learning about sex from a variety of pre-1960 and therefore not terribly helpful medical, anthropological, and psychological texts (with the occasional almost-a-stroke-book pseudo-academic works thrown in) I learned the following about the Kama Sutra: “The book contains five chapters about what we’d consider “normal” foreplay and sixteen chapters about biting, scratching, and slapping one’s partners for erotic effect.” And yes, I’m sure I have the exact numbers wrong but not the approximate proportions. It didn’t sound very tempting** and so I generally left off all that.

My loss, as I’ve learned since beginning to read other anonymous and then not as anonymous bloggers of kink.

Still, given a choice between the two I’d choose suck. And lick. And kiss. And mouth. And breathe warm breath across spots tender and mild. The latter, by the way, seems to work as well on recently spanked, bitten, or scratched spots as not… but not in my case if I’d agreed to pick only one. :-)

And again that’s given my choice of one. A choice I’d rather not make.

I haven’t been bitten much but if it’s not oversharing once you arouse me to a certain point I adore having my nipples bitten. But then at that point I adore having them sucked as well. You hear every now and then people praising little nips during fellatio. My experience has been that it’s… not so great. The side of my neck works well and so does the very top inside of my thighs. And while I’ve really enjoyed being bitten on the arms and shoulders it wasn’t the sensation itself but the shared level of emotion, combined with a willingness to sacrifice a little comfort in the interest of not alerting parents.

Sucking though? I love, love, love fingers and toes. When I suck yours. When you suck mine. Not hard so much as warmly, wetly, and deepy… mmm, that’s lovely almost any time. Earlobes? Yours or mine it’s also wonderful. The inside of arms, yes, and all up and down the throat and shoulders and neck, too.

Breasts? I actually don’t go in so much for sucking, or at least not the classic baby-nursing style though it’s a lot of fun to slurp as much of your nipples and breasts as I can with a gentle suction and then swirling my tongue around and around. And around. But I love licking breasts even without suction at least as much. I don’t know about you but I’ve noticed most people I’ve tried it with go deeper into haze when I kiss, or lick, or stroke the curves of the breast just below and to the outside rather than right over nipples. And, as I mentioned above, there’s blowing gently over wet flesh first to chill it and then re-warm it again with hands or lips or tongue.

And speaking of lips and tongue, does anyone else enjoy licking and sucking their partner’s lips during kissing? Gently biting there works wonders too, or would if not for that darn choice. It’s always the lower lip that gets the mention for sucking but I’ve noticed the inside of most people’s upper lip is a marvelous erogenous zone for that.

And of course there’s all the different non-bite-y things one can do during cunnilingus. I used to think that eating a partner was end-of-the-world, I-could-die-happy paradise, and while I’ve gotten over that a little in the sense that I’m no longer outright fetishistic about it I still… mmm… what was I saying? Oh yeah, something I’ve wound up doing especially during side-by-side (as opposed to top or bottom) sixty-nine, you know, where you’re each pillowing the other’s head on your thigh, is gently slurping… ok I mean sucking an inner labia deep into my mouth and then swirling the flat of my tongue across the inner surface. Like maybe a lot of people I can get pretty distracted during sixty-nine but doing that doesn’t take a lot of concentration. The only risk is that it tends to really distract the other person.

As for me? Well, fellatio tends to work in waves for me (I think this is true for a lot of people during oral, men and women) so one minute every nerve ending is on fire and a minute later I feel almost numb… although fortunately after another minute it’s back to… where was I again? Anyway, when I’m cycled down it’s wonderful when you pop me out of your mouth and tongue or slurp on the large, loose, soft vein along the side. You’re not going exactly lose my attention no matter what but that’s definitely going to keep it till my tide comes in again.

Anyway, I’m not going to say of biting that I could take it or leave it — there are too many nice ways to do it to give it up completely. But sucking? I’ll take that in a heartbeat. And give it just as quickly. Any time.

How about you?