Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

Genuinely interesting sex blogger alert: Svutlana posts from Canada but says she’s originally from a fictional sex-positive island, Svutlandia, in the Baltic Sea. She certainly writes English with a very heavy “Baltic” accent. That said, while her language can be colorful her content is dead-on intelligent, accurate, nuanced, and progressive.

Consider her reaction to the widely circulated headline that Gone With the Wind actress Vivien Leigh was “a serial bisexual adulterer.” (For example see here or here.) Svlutlana begins with warm humor…

Like Svutlana mother always say, if it take only two adjective and one noun for describe your sexual proclivities in headline, you no try hard enough.

She said it here.

and a bit later makes the serious point

In Svutlana opinion, too much be make of how Ms Vivien be bipolar, as if voracious sexual appetite in womens always must be due for mental illness.

She also makes the perfectly accurate point that if the whole point seems to be digging up and passing along scandal why there’s so much focus on allegations of her “serial bisexuality” and not on, say, allegations that she and her one-time director George Cukor would go cruising for “rough trade” male prostitutes together. One would think the latter accusation would be more eye-opening than the former. My guess is that the former better fits dominant narratives about women’s agency

And here’s her take on a recent labioplasty conference and counter-demonstration in Las Vegas

Svutlana says

Here be tale of two Las Vegas hotel. On top be Venetian Cosmetogynosurgical hotel and below be Tuscan hotel where stalwart defender of surgical-unalter labia will stay:

What horse would you bet on—Labia by Nature or Labia by Martha Stewart (with free promotion spreads from billion dollar porn industry)—for win this Canfucky Derby?

Oh, it be Svutlana most fond wish that cosmetogynosurgeon stick finger inside womens for test pelvic floor strength and angry vagina clamp down with all its might and refuse for let finger go! In Svutlana dream this be cautionary tail for all cosmetogynosurgeons.

Read the quote in context here.

And finally, from her first post back in February 2008, her take on the quest for “female ejaculation.”

Hear Svutlana about female ejaculate class at sex shop where everybody get in circle and watch womens squirt with big eye like she be fish that just jump out of sea and wiggle on beach. Nobody know where squirt come from. Is it from little gland inside like female prostate? Is it little bit urine? Little bit fructose? Little bit country? Little bit rock and roll? Who for fuck know?

No care Svutlana one little bit what be inside female ejaculate! Why make sex act like rest of life where peoples have for work and work and work for get credential? Have me multiple orgasm! Have female ejaculate me! Is like have me engineer degree! Have MBA me! Run me Boston marathon!

...

Be Svutlana much more impress when womens say have good sex life that make them happy happy for be alive than womens who say can squirt across room or shoot ping pong ball from between leg or suck up whole banana with vagina.

She said it here.

Reading the whole piece it’s clear she’s not mocking women who do it, or even women who are curious to learn (she mentions exercises you can try.) She’s really unimpressed with the emphasis put on it as something to be performed.

And finally, behind a little light humor her most recent post, Svutlana perform first (and last) semens analysis, is straight-up sex ed.

Pretty lucid perspectives whether she’s really from the islands of the Baltic or the islands of Ontario.

By far the most-popular, most Googled/Yahoo’d/Binged-for post on this blog has been How to find someone’s clitoris (if you don’t already know). I didn’t write it intending it to be a mainstay internet sex-ed resource.

And indeed it isn’t! In Google it’s approximately the 500th reference for the most commonly used phrase, “How to find the clitoris!” 500th! In Google’s default mode of 25 hits per page you’re talking about someone who’s had to click the little “next” arrow roughly 20 times before they’d get to mine!

And yet?

And yet!

Hundreds of people do it every day!

Whatever else you can say about people’s ignorance (and you can actually say a lot) you can’t say nobody cares.

So to celebrate American fireworks day, and to celebrate the fact that it’s a very slow day for posts in the U.S., and to celebrate my standing as the 500th-most-common link on that particular keyword*, here’s the top first 500 (500!) key-phrases people have used to find that page. (500!!!!) Note — to avoid screwing up anyone else’s searches, and to avoid looking too much like spam, I’ve replaced the word and all it’s various spellings, misspellings, and wild-assed guesses with underscores.

# ————————————————————
# Table
# ————————————————————
Keyword
how to find the ________
________
how to find the ________
finding the ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find ________
find the ________
find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find a ________
find ________
finding ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find her ________
how to find ________
how to find my ________
how to find her ________
________ pictures
finding her ________
________
how to find the ________
show me the ________
how to find a girl’s ________
show me a ________
show me ________
see my ________
show me a ________
________ erection photos
find her ________
hard to find ________
hot to find the ________
small ________
________ photos
________ pics
finding a girls ________
finding the ________
how do you find a girls ________
how to find the ________
show me ________
find my ________
hard to find ________
how to ________
how to find the ________ on a girl
how do i find my ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find the ________
find a ________
hot ________
how to find a ________
how to find a girl’s ________
how to find the ________ in the dark
wide open ________
best way to find the ________
can’t find ________
________ erection
________ hard to find
________ how to find
________ photo
________ photos
find ________
find her ________
how to find a small ________
how to find the ________ in the dark
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
my ________
show me ________
show me your ________
________ show
________ photo
hot to find a girls ________
how can i find my ________
how find ________
how to find the ________
my wife’s ________
where to find a girls ________
________ finding
do ________ get hard
easy way to find the ________
find a girls ________
finding ________ in the dark
girl ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find girls ________
how to find girls ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________ on a girl
how to find the ________
how to find your ________
how to find your own ________
how to locate a girl’s ________
see her ________
slide your penis back and forth ________ rub head
where is a girls ________
best ________
best way to find ________
can’t find the ________
cant find my wifes ________
________ find
________ on ________
________
________ hunt
does a ________ get hard
does ________ get hard
easy way to find ________
erect ________ photos
erecting ________ photos
find ________
find girls ________
find that ________
finding a girl’s ________
finding a girls ________
finding ________
finding her ________
finding the ________ in the dark
finger ________
girls ________
hard ________
hooded ________
how 2 find the ________
how find the ________
how to find a ________ on a girl
how to find a ________ in the dark
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a small ________
how to find ________
how to find my ________
how to find small ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the girls ________
how to find your ________
how to get a ________ hard
how to locate the ________
how to locate your own ________
i can’t find the ________
is the ________ hard to find
mouthing the ________
my ________ is hard to find
open ________
photos ________
photos of the ________
pictures of the ________
show me a real ________
show me how touch the ________ by pics
show me pics of the ________
show me that ________
show me where the ________ is
show your big ________
small ________ photo
tip of the ________
tongue on ________
wheres a girls ________
wife’s ________
“how to find the ________”
“locating ________ with the tongue”
*________
30 year old photos ________ shaved
a girl’s ________
abby winters ________ ________ose ups
abby winters ________ pics
abby winters ________
abbywinters+________
adult ________ women
adult female ________ pictures
adult sex girle ________
asstr licking ________
base of ________
best ________
best ever ________
best way to find a girls ________
best way to find the ________
best way to find the ________
big buts ________ woamen picture
biger ________
boys discover preteen girl’s ________
can a ________ get hard
can u run your tongue down somones ________
can’t find her ________
can’t find my wife’s ________
can’t fnd my wife’s ________
cannot find glans ________
cant find a girls ________
cant find ________
cant find her ________
cant find my wifes ________
chow me the ________ of a girl
________ being erected
________ blog
________ cir________es or back and forth
________ display
________ erect and hard
________ erection photos
________ foto
________ getting hard
________ girl
________ hood hot girl
________ hot
________ magazines
________ owm
________ pictures of girls
________ shaft pics
________ shudder
________ tip
________ to ________
________ vagina adult
________ watch
________
________
________ sex.com
________ medicine airplane
________
________ kiss porno
________ photo
________ sex photos
________ erection photos porn
________ erection pics
________ errection photos
________ et sex
________ exploring pictures
________ find the
________ fingering
________ girls small
________ hard to find
________ in hand pics
________ is hard to catch
________ lick guide pics
________ location photo
________ photo locate
________ real photos
________ sex
________ sex photo
________ the big one
________ where place photo
________ σεχ
________
________ games
________ grow big porm
________ his ass
________ kissing ________
________ vagina
________ose-up lesbian ________ tongue
cunt photos and erect ________
dark ________ pics
dark ________
diagram human vagina ________ erection
discovering a woman ________
do ________ get hard?
doctor checks girls ________ ________ose up
does ________ get stiff
does the ________ get hard?
drawing ________
easier to find ________
easiest way to find a small ________
east way to find the girls ________
easy way to find a ________ on a girl
easy way to find ________ in the dark
easy way to find ________
easy way to pop her ________
educational images woman exploring ________
educational pictures of a ________
educational porn how to find the ________
emily naomi ________ fingers
emma james ________
engorged ________ pics dry
erect ________ pics
erected ________ porn
erectile ________ you porn
erection of ________
erections ________
erections of the ________ photographs
erotic ________ by private
exploring ________
exploring my ________
exploring the ________
fastest way to find the ________
female vagina show me a________
fibd my ________
figleaf real adult ________
find a girl ________
find a girl’s ________
find and show big ________
find ________ dark
find ________
find ________ dark
find ________ fingers
find ________ with tongue
find ________
find ________
find girls ________
find her ________ every time
find her ________
find her ________
find it hard to wax the ________
find my wifes ________
find the ________ everytime
find the ________ fingers
find the ________ with fingers
find the ________
find the ________
find the ________ in the dark
find the ________
find the ________
find the ________
find thé ________
find. a. ________
finding a chicks ________
finding a ________
finding a females ________
finding a girl’s ________
finding a girls ________
finding a older womans ________
finding a small ________
finding ________ big lips
finding ________ in hairy pussy
finding ________ in the dark
finding ________ pictures
finding ________ tongue
finding ________ with tongue
finding girls ________
finding girls ________
finding girls ________
finding my wife’s ________
finding small ________
finding the ________ every time
finding the ________ in the dark
finding the ________ on a hairy pussy
finding the ________
finding the ________ when a girl has big lips
finding the ________
finding the girl’s ________
finding the wifes ________
findng the ________
fing thge ________
finger her ________
fingering ________
fingering the ________
first erect ________
fondling of the girl ________
full screen and masturbating, ________ tickling
full view of naked cunt pointing to the ________ video
g spot & ________ sex secrets
girl ________
girl discovery ________
girl finding ________ for first time
girl finds ________
girl fingers ________
girl measure ________
girl measure ________
girl nibbles ________
girl playing with ________
girl show ________
girl shows how to find ________
girls and ________
girls ________ picture
girls ________
girls playing with ________
girls stroking ________
girls sukn my ________
girls with ________
good ________ picture
google ________ porn
google porn ________
har to find the ________
hard ________ photos
hard ________ pictures
hard ________
hard ________
hard to find ________
hard to find ________
hard to find ________
hard to find ________
hard to find partner ________
hard to find the ________
hard to see ________
her ________
her ________ picture
high school girl ________
hoe to find ________
hooded ________ being opened
hot ________
hot over 30 ________
hot tiny ________
hot to find my ________
hot to find the ________
hot to find the ________
hot to identify ________ in girls pussy
how big is a womens ________ pics
how can i find my ________
how can i make my ________ bigger
how can i make my ________ erect
how can i play with my hard ________
how come it’s hard to see the ________
how do i check my ________
how do i find a girl’s ________ without looking
how do i find a girls ________
how do i find a girls ________
how do i find a small ________
how do i find her ________
how do u find a girl’s ________
how do u find someones ________
how do you find a girls ________
how do you find a girls ________
how do you find a girls ________
how do you find the ________ on a firl
how do you find the ________ on a girl
how do you know the ________ is hard
how find a ________
how find her ________
how find the ________ on a small pussy?
how hard is the ________ to ind
how i kiss or lik the girls ________ with photos
how is it hard to find the ________
how to “find a girls ________”
how to arouse a via ________
how to best find the ________
how to fimd small ________
how to find a ________ in the dark
how to find a ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girl ________
how to find a girls ________ quickly
how to find a girls ________ to finger
how to find a girls ________ with out looking
how to find a girls ________ without looking
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a girls ________
how to find a old woman’s ________
how to find a tiny ________
how to find a very small ________
how to find a woman’s ________
how to find an unshaved woman’s ________
how to find and rub your ________
how to find big ________
how to find ________ in a girl
how to find ________ in agirl
how to find ________ in dark
how to find ________ in the dark
how to find ________ ina girl
how to find ________ pics
how to find ________ with tongue
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________
how to find ________ pics
how to find ________ porn
how to find ________ tendon
how to find ________ with fingers
how to find ________
how to find ________ with pictures
how to find ________
how to find for her ________
how to find girl ________
how to find girl’s ________
how to find girls ________
how to find girls ________
how to find he ________
how to find her ________ everytime
how to find her ________ in the dark
how to find her ________ without looking
how to find her ________
how to find her ________ in the dark
how to find her ________ forum
how to find my ________
how to find my ________
how to find my ________
how to find my wifes ________
how to find small ________
how to find the “________”
how to find the a ________
how to find the ________ a girl
how to find the ________ easily
how to find the ________ of a girl
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________ in the dark
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________
how to find the ________ ?
how to find the ________ in the dark?
how to find the ________ through panties
how to find the ________ with your finger
how to find the ________
# ————————————————————————————————————————

Happy 4th of July

* The post is actually #1 for the keyphrase “how to find someone’s clitoris” but it’s not all that commonly searched for. —fl

Summary: The benefits of taking a gender-neutral approach to solving the problem of highly differential gender pressure on boys and girls are likely to be huge. So we ought to stop buying the same old gendered construction of gender construction.

So I was driving through rural Tennessee just now (I’m home on a very brief visit for an elderly relative’s funeral) and was listening to an NPR program on satellite radio.

The topic involved the beating death of a (Vermont?) college lacrosse player at the hands of her domestic partner. The host and three guests were all women with professional experience related to relationship abuse.

Without taking anything away (seriously!) from the nuanced, non-black-and-white-answer guests, or the somewhat less savvy host, all of whom I thought asked and answered questions pretty well, I would like to make a pitch for a more gender-neutral approach to the problem.

I don’t mean a “but men can be victims too” approach, although several of the guests made clear that sometimes happens. And I don’t mean a “gender blind” approach either because, sorry, even when you factor out stereotypical assumptions and biases by pretty much every measure of relationship violence the patterns of control and abuse are more likely to involve men shepherding, controlling, and injuring their partners than women.

So. What do I mean by “gender neutral” then?

Two items have been on my mind lately, and the discussion helped bring it to a head.

First of all, the host and two of the guests spoke confidently only about problems with “ever younger sexualization of girls.” In her concurrence the third guest, a judge, carefully agreed there’s a problem with increasingly sexualized youth.

And that’s the first important point where gender neutrality seems important. Yes, girls are increasingly sexualized at increasingly younger age (“anyone remember those rhinestone “hottie” and “tease” thong undies for pre-teens? I think they sold them at J.C. Pennies!) What’s overlooked is that boys are being similarly sexualized. Just not as “hotties” or “teases.” Instead they’re being groomed to value themselves by conquests, by self-confidence, by “that’s what bitches want,” and even, more prosaically, “girls my age are doing it already, what should I be doing?”

In other words, while the nature of the sexualization is absolutely, 100%, incontrovertibly gendered, the sexualization itself is gender neutral: it’s happening equally to girls and boys. Failing to recognize this — failing to see that not all the influence is generated by older men grooming eternally more precocious girls but that boys are also sucked into the vortex and are influenced to identify as sexualized earlier.

Which leads me to the other point: I think pretty much everyone on the planet can recognize that girls are often (not always but yeah, pretty often) pressured into performing sexuality before they’re necessarily ready before their ready to be actually sexual. Again, those “hottie” thongs for 4th- or 5th-graders? Rest my case, m’kay?

What I think isn’t as well recognized is that boys are often pressured into performing sexuality before they’re ready to be sexual. In fact I think it’s not just poorly recognized, I think it’s pretty much fucking invisible!

And this is where I think gender neutrality comes in handy again. Because if you just assume, as society as culture does, that “already has a y-chromosome” equals “already ready for sex” then you’re going to interpret the behavior of boys as if a) they instinctively know exactly what they’re doing, b) they instinctively know exactly what they want, and c) they themselves see their (frankly predatory) behavior as predatory rather than as, say, defensive. Oh yes, and that therefore d) predatory boys behavior, being intentional, competent, and instinctive, is therefore immutable. And therefore, e) there’s no point trying to change male behavior – except possibly by supervision, restriction, and threats.

Remember here that I’m really clearly not saying the behavior is gender neutral, it’s way generally not. Instead I’m saying that pressure to behave in gendered ways is gender neutral (it happens to boys and girls of all persuasions.) And I’m saying that the best analysis is gender neutral as a result of effort not to buy into gender-biased assumptions.

In the face of gender-biased analysis items a-e, above are taken as fixed. And consequently you see almost all discourse in the terms I heard tonight: how do we warn girls? How do we train girls to recognize abuse? How do we recognize girls who are abused? All of which, obviously, is itself highly gendered. And all of which, I think, we’re (finally) less willing to tolerate when it comes to questions of sexual assault. (For instance we’re no longer talking only in terms of what women can do to avoid assault. Nor, thank goodness, are we assuming if a girl is assaulted there must have been something she could have done to avoid it.)

A gender neutral approach, one that I think is finally seeping in to the issue of sexual assault, is…

Not just checking in on boys. Not just intervening with boys. Even though thouse are good ideas. But also instructing boys. Also reassuring boys. Also warning boys. About the sexualization that’s happening to them. About the risks of feeling pressure not just to respond but to act before they’re ready. Of the patterns of pressured behavior that can first shade and then plunge into abusiveness.

Because it seems to me it’s doing a great disservice, not just to boys but to everybody to write them off as unalterably malevolent, whether or not its imagined to be intentional or impulsive malevolence.

I’m trying to think of a comparable example and one of them would be the whole “purity ball” abstinence-fetish business where the purity instructions for boys are… all about girl’s purity — “you wouldn’t want your sister…” or “how would you feel about some other boy touching your future bride…” all with no, zero, none regard for the possibility that “purity” could be anything besides a euphemism for “untouched pussy” or that “not ready” could be anything but a euphemism for “keep her pristine for her purchaser,” or that “protect from emotional harm” could mean anything more than “kept naive enough to imagine picking out the wedding dress is the last choice she’ll ever need to make… or be allowed to.”

Never mind that boys don’t automatically know what to do any more than girls do. Never mind that boys actually seem to start being “ready” a year or two after girls their ages are. Never mind that boys have their own emotional needs, their own crushes, their own naive assumptions, their own internal and external experiences of peer pressure.

And here’s the point: it’s a gendered assumption that only girls are vulnerable to sexualization just as it’s a gendered assumption that boys are immune to it. It’s a gendered assumption that only girls are responsive to mitigation of gendered construction. And when we’re able to start assessing boys with a gender-neutral eye I have a feeling the social benefits will be exponential rather than incremental.

We ought to start trying it.

Jennifer Van Grove of tech-oriented Mashable! raises an eyebrow at claims that Facebook is “responsible” for a 400% increase in syphilis infections in three towns in the U.K.

Director of Public Health Peter Kelly told the Telegraph research points to sites like Facebook “making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex,” and that of the syphilis cases he saw, “several of the people had met sexual partners through these sites.”

The connection between the STD and Facebook seems stretched at best, but the Telegraph also reports, “young people in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside were 25 per cent more likely to log onto social networking sites than those in the rest of Britain.”

Read the quote in context here.

Mmm. One-fourth more likely to log in to Facebook? four times as likely to develop syphilis? It must be true!!!!

Overlooking my initial inclination to mock I’ll instead expand on Grove’s suggestion that maybe institutions in those areas ought to ramp up their sexual safety initiatives by suggesting that… maybe Facebook would be a good medium for getting those initiatives into the eyes of folks who might benefit most.

For instance as a total experiment I’ve just created the Facebook group “I have to be careful about STDs because previous generations weren’t.“

If you’ve started or know about other Facebook groups that promote positive sex safety and responsibility you can let me know in comments.