sexual differences

So. Spanking. Is It Really So Much a "Girl On the Bottom" Thing That That's Why It's Always Framed That Way

I’m still so trying to wrap my little brain around the idea that it’s 99% hetero women’s partners spanking them rather than the other way around.

No knocks on Em & Lo, who's post about their new book (150 Shades of Play: A Beginner's Guide to Kink ) prompted this post. They lean heavily though not completely men-spank/women-are-spanked.  But the mix for heteros seems so common as to make generalizations like that fine.

I’m just curious about the physics, or anatomy here. Because even doing non-”spanking” tapotement (those kind of “karate chops” with the edge and flat of the hands massage therapists use) seems to get way more women’s motors running than men’s. Or is it the psychology? I’ve almost never heard of gay men routinely spanking each other outside the context of more intentional BDSM. And it’s almost never mentioned by lesbians. And, maybe even more perplexing, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of bi men carrying spanking over to male partners, nor bi women requesting spankings from their female partners.

Do I just not get out enough anymore (entirely possible?) Or is this really an overwhelmingly majority-hetero activity?

And don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with it being majority hetero, if that’s what it is. What gets our motors running in bed is or should be entirely separate from what motivates our conduct elsewhere. I’m just curious about the source of the apparent differences.


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Putting porn and fashion magazines where they might belong: on the same page

A little while ago, in agency in pornography I highlighted the difference between the way women are presented in the features and ads for fashion magazines like Vogue or Elle vs. milder men’s magazines like Esquire or Playboy. Today news sites are all atwitter over action-movie actress Jessica Alba’s expressed interest in naked men in magazines.

She tells GQ magazine, “Men’s magazines have nipples, so why don’t women have a magazine where men show their penises? ... There’s Playgirl but not a fashion magazine like Elle. If there was a magazine like that I’d buy it.”

See, for instance, this San Francisco Chronicle (online) article.

I think it’s telling that she has more faith in the way fashion magazines would show men than a nominally “porn for women” magazine like Playgirl. I haven’t read a Playgirl (or Playboy) for a very long time — maybe decades! But unless things have changed very much they don’t seem to particularly get it, relying on the (tired, “no-sex” class-oriented) templates from men’s pornography: idealized, attractive, there-because-they’re-there male poses in highly revealing but largely static or stylized positions. I may not have as much faith in the fashion media that Alba does, but I do think they’d at least put the agency in women’s porn where it would belong.


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The "no-sex" class: Beverly Hillbillies' example

I’m not entirely sure why this came to mind this afternoon, but in one of the early episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies (a ratings record-holder to this day), the Granny Clampett character chops up a bunch of firewood in the kitchen, throws it into the oven door of her fancy new electric stove, and lights it.

Smoke naturally fills the room. Granny’s conclusion: a) “folks call that a real stove;” b) “the stove is so ‘primitive’ it doesn’t even have a chimney;” c) it didn’t work the way she believed it should so it was a piece of crap.

When I talk about men indoctrinating themselves to believe that women are the “no-sex” class — innately disinterested in sex and therefore in need of continuous male management — I’m talking about the same mentality Granny Clampett brings to an electric stove: despite being perfectly functional she believes a stove must have a fire lit inside it in order for it to work. In fact she insists it must work that way despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

Sound familiar?

A couple of parallels: The Granny character is like a lot of social conservatives: to them it doesn’t matter what new capabilities might have been discovered, or developed — stoves (or women) simply shouldn’t be any other way than the old-fashioned way. Now a lot of liberal and progressive men think they’re way more with it when it comes to women but we’re generally more like the Jethro Bodine character: they put firewood in the oven and then turn on the broiler because that’s how you’re supposed to light a modern stove. But in either case it’s simply inconceivable that a stove might heat up without first sliding a little wood into it.

Sound familiar?

Now let’s think about the TV show for a few lesser parallels.” First, in the context of the show were the Beverly Hills millionaires the Clampetts wound up amidst any better connected to reality than their rustic neighbors? No. Were they any more admirable? No. Would there have been much of a show if either side had been either more flexible, less willful, or less thoroughly inculcated in their world-views? No. Would everybody have been better off if the hillbillies had adopted the Beverly Hills lifestyle? No. If the millionaires had adopted the Clampett’s Okie lifestyles? No. But might they have had less misunderstanding, fewer attempts to take advantage of each other’s cupidities and stupidities, and perhaps a more vibrant synthesis of cultures if they’d pulled their respective heads out of their butts and instead looked, listened, and learned instead of knee-jerk reacting to each other? Yes.

Sound familiar?


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