Boys peak at 16. Women peak at 32. Everybody’‘s heard that. Last week at least three people mentioned that in posts. But where does that come from? And what does it even mean anyway?
More orgasms? Well, at 16 I could certainly ejaculate all over the place… I think one day I masturbated 22 times in 24 hours, though often things were over pretty quickly. Did it mean I could screw longer? Not really, I didn’t really get into great aerobic condition till my 30s. Did it mean I could screw longer? Not really, my real marathon years were 18 and 19 and then between 26 and 30 when I had partners who really never wanted to stop and, again, kept me in shape. Did it mean I could screw better? No, though I don’t get nearly enough practice these days I’m still perfectly able to do the kind of mechanical humping and pumping I did when I lost my virginity late in my 16th year it wasn’t till I was in my 30s that I really figured out what else makes someone just as happy to hump and pump me back. Does it mean I thought about sex more then than now? Very hard to imagine unless they make more hours in the day.
As for women peaking at 32, all I can say is… the partners that suffered through or celebrated my various peaks, the multiply orgasmic ones, the ones I had marathon sex with, the ones who would (and could) revive me for a second, or third, or fourth, or (yikes!) fifth orgasm in a night, and now the ones who’s blog posts leave me lying awake at night fantasizing about travel routes and armless rocking chairs have all tended to be roughly my age.
The ones in their teens and twenties tended to fret about how they’d manage their peaks at 32. The ones older than that have tended to question whether their peaks will ever dwindle. The 32-year-olds, meanwhile, have been no less, but also no more enthusiastic than their older or younger peers.
So what’s the deal? Who came up with 16 and 32? What metrics were they using? What assumptions were they making?
I’m willing to believe it, but I don’t even know what the source is.
I’m certainly not willing to repeat it.
So! What about you? Has it all been down hill since 16? Was it all uphill till 32 and downhill since?
They wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. Right? :-)
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 15:59.
I tend to believe that the "peak" has much to do with your partner, and your experience, as well as with the biological aspects of peaks and valleys. I can tell you from my understanding that my peak might be right now, at 44. My thirties were good, but nothing, nothing compares to my drive or orgasms currently. My wonderful partner and my additional knowledge equals powerful orgasms, more sexual encounters, and more passion.
The Teacher
[That seems more reasonable anyway. Thanks Teacher. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 17:17.
I thought I peaked at 32. But then it keeps on increasing.
Damn thing.
If I stay married, I hope it ebbs soon, for my own sanity. If not, I hope it keeps on increasing until..forever.
[Yeah, I can believe maybe things start to heat up further at 32, but peak? I haven't really heard anyone say so. Thanks, AAG. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 18:03.
It comes from a study years ago that asked about frequency of orgasm, Fig.
I haven't even hit full stride yet, Fig. And a huge amount has to do with your partner... SO... When will my peak be? Don't know.
[Yeah, see what I mean? "Life begins at 40" I can believe, but peaking at 16? Peaking at 32? If they're just talking about frequency of orgasms that's a pretty meager metric. Thanks, DN! --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 18:44.
I don't have anything really meanful to add to this...but I'm 34 and things just keep getting better with me, too.
And I have to tell you...I've been singing the "Hokey Pokey" song for several days now! ;)
[Cool, April! So which is your favorite part? It seems like the perfect crypto-ommpah subliminal endorement of masturbation -- one that clearly predates rock 'n roll. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 18:53.
I got my sex drive at 36 and I've been "peaking" ever since. Being single in your peak is not what it's cracked up to be. I feel like I'm in my emotional peak as well. There is nothing more powerful than love and the orgasm of the mind.
[Yeah, it's a heady combination. On the other hand, as numerous bloggers point out, it's not always easy to be peaking in marriage either. Sigh. Murphy's law about sex is "never go to bed with anyone crazier than you are" which of course means no one less crazy should go to bed with you, which means it's really, really hard finding someone exactly the same crazy as you are... which is why it's such a fiendishly clever Murphy's law. Thanks, Boo. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 20:28.
I am hornier now, and more free, but things take a little longer to "get there", hormones I think. I feel more confident etc. I think that had to do with motherhood and getting past the crap that motherhood puts you through though.
23 year old guys were kind of cool though and I admit to harboring fantasies about being Ms. Robinson.
Eh, youth is pretty, but not always satisfying though.
[Great point, Goose! All kinds of baby and pregnancy books mention that moms often lose their libidos after childbirth and there are a number of reasons why that makes sense. On the other hand only the most progressive ones neglect to mention that it often comes roaring back 18-24 months after delivery. That's bad in two ways. First because after babies you think "it must be over for me" and then having made that mental adjustment I think a lot of people say "what's wrong with me" when it libido reemerges. Thanks for bringing that up, Goose. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-01-27 23:41.
(Grrr. It's still not remembering details. Grrr.)
I never heard 16 and 32. I always heard 18 and 35.
Personally, like Boo, i got a whole new, upgrade to my sex drive at 36, and i haven't looked back. THis was after a dearth for literally years and years, though.
But somehow, i feel that sex now is more exciting because i'm old enough and mature enough to understand it, and to appreciate it, and not to succumb to collective societal pressures (much like you discussed a couple of posts ago: blonde girls are easy, porn is bad.. and so on). I'm experimenting now more than i ever had the guts to do when younger, partly due to a very sheltered upbringing, coupled with a very late rebellious stage. And i love it. I love it all. Bring it on.
Thanks -- that was really cathartic... Figleaf, you always make me think out of my day-to-day box and i so appreciate that.
Love, Minxxxxxxxxx
[Gosh, Minx, thanks! I think it's interesting that nobody so far has said "oh yeah, 32 (or 36) was it for me and I've been losing interest ever since." Nor have I ever heard a man say he's been losing interest ever since 16! --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 04:39.
now i can't speak for the other half, but as a woman i understand the "32" /30/35 thing. Hormonally woman go through several peaks and changes in their lives, and i'm assume this "age" or relation to it is more about when you hit that top level of hormonal influx and start to fall -which makes sense considering our peak age to become pregnant is late 20's early 30's and then we begin to lose our fertility slowly but surly.
To a point i have already experienced some of this - and frankly the 30 thing scares me. i felt a sharp change in my need, desire, orgasm ability, performance and stamina after having a child. over the last 5 years since i have steadily grown in my desires and ability to orgasm stronger and faster. after getting off the pill and having a diaphram put in i've become a little nymphette. i want it constantly, i will orgasm to the point of blacking out or weeping and still willing take more, and 2 hours later i'm ready and wanting for more.
[I'm getting the impression the old 16/32 thing was mixing apples and oranges. Sure, boys are able to ejaculate most frequently at 16 so maybe that's a peak, but women's increased comfort/interest/experience of sex in their 30s isn't comparable at all. Thanks, FM. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 08:16.
I am loving my 40's! I might have looked a little better at a younger age (gravity and all) but I feel better about myself and my sexuality now than ever before. I'm a believer that age is a state of mind, and while age/hormonal changes may have an effect on sexuality, I also think a lot of that has to do with state of mind.
[Yup. Add that we don't stop growing up at age 18 or 21 and suddenly all sorts "mysteries" start to unravel. Thanks, Snow. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 08:23.
I'm in my early fifties and I've found that my sexual interest has risen and fallen in waves over the past four decades. Each wave gets higher and lasts longer. I'm hornier now than I ever was in my life, and that's saying something. That peaking-at-32 business is crap.
DTG xxoo
[Aha! More evidence. So now I'm starting to wonder who used to benefit from the notion that we peter out with age? Or is it that we're just more healthy now and less beaten down? (I mean not that many decades ago most people were still getting dentures in their mid-30s and dying of old age in their 60s...) Thanks, DTG. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 12:39.
Guilty! I said that!
What they're talking about is the age at which each gender is most easily aroused. It's why teenaged boys' penises might as well be Pop-Tarts, and why women in their 30s want to join vibrator mailing lists.
It's got nothing to do with skills, quality of sex, none of that. It has to do entirely with how often you get aroused, that's all.
Men experience that desire early, they stay preoccupied with sex for a long time thereafter. Women hit that in their 30s, and this is why you hear so many good folks like DTG talking about coming alive even as the years continue to pass.
I think of it as an awakening, not a timebomb. It's chemical, and yes, it's fact, although they say now it's 18 & 35.
[Yup, awakening makes sense. Peaking not so much. You were one of the people who mentioned it, but a couple others added the evergreen question about the mismatch (why don't we hook up 16 and 32 year olds) and that's where I decided to start asking questions. Thanks, Shay. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 12:56.
32 (or 36)+ ___ = me. Getting better all the time and have yet to peak. I will though and intend to stay there, right there, always. ;)
[Thanks, Rosie. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 13:09.
I'm still one of those young ones - I haven't really thought about how things might or might not change when to reach the (apperantly) magical age of 32.
[I don't think anything special will happen, Shay, that hasn't started already and won't be done till years after. I hope. :-) --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 13:57.
I do feel so sorry for you figgie baby. Me remembers you explaining that you could not have multiple organisms. It's crazy bonkers ludicrous really what has just started happening to me. Those one hundred multiple orgasms that happen every single time and just drive you stark raving mad. Almost like a religious experience. I'm sorry that you're not capable. My advice is not to fret - just keep on practising!
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 16:07.
Btw darling, that old chestnut that people died of "old age" in their 50s and 60s in the good old days is a similar piece of disinformation to that sexual peak thing.
People---a goodly percentage of the population---have always lived to "old age" in their 70s and 80s and beyond. But before the modern era, high child mortality and the lack of medical care meant that a lot of people died at younger ages---ages which when factored into statistical formulae bring the average age of death, and hence of apparent "old age", down significantly.
It's a simple misinterpretation of statistics that has given rise to a common misconception.
DTG xxoo
[Pretty much true, DTG. Throughout most of history people who surive to age 30 have tended to make it to 65 with about the same frequency as they do today. So that was sloppy of me. (Shows I was reaching for straws though.) Thanks for keeping me honest. :-) --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-01-28 19:05.
Personally always heard the 18 and 35, but at almost 40 its better than its ever been, I look better than I ever have and have a hell of a lot more self confidence and a willingness to try new things, hence more and better sex
[Thanks, Mergrl. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sun, 2006-01-29 01:23.
I echo what most of the other women are saying. I'm in my 30s. I would say my sex drive and arousal rate are pretty close to exactly the same as they were when I was a teenager (but it was always high, so I wouldn't expect it could get much higher). But though the drive is the same, enjoyment of sex just keeps increasing the older I get and the more I know--and the more my partners know.
Re that last part--yeah a Mrs. Robinson fantasy might be sexy, but give me an older, more experienced man in reality. I've found most men in their 30s certainly still seem to have strong libidos and don't seem to have any problems with multiple arousals. And unlike a 16/18 year old, they know their way around a woman AND know how to make things last a good, long time...mmm.
[Now that sounds more familiar, Syl. I have heard a lot of women become more comfortable with their sexuality in their 30's, just as men become more comfortable with intimacy in theirs. So it makes sense when you say you're enjoying yourself more. Good point. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 2006-01-29 08:59.
hmmm I know that my husband dreads the idea of me hitting a peak in another few years - mostly because he's not sure he could handle me more then I already am.
I've found men in their 30's seem to be at top preformance. They can still handle a lot, hold out beautifully and tend to have enough experience behind them. My prefered age for men is 35-45 - of course my hubby is 27. I will get to enjoy everyone of those years of his life.
[That's so cool, A. I don't think your husband has anything to dread, though. I hope you both enjoy any changes immensely. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sun, 2006-01-29 11:07.
I dunno about the 30s being top performance years for men, either. It's just impossible to generalise.
My husband had an annoying tendency to PME until his 40s---try having satisfying sex when a man is done in five seconds! But as he got older, into his 40s, he developed a lot more, um, penile stamina.
Now in his early 50s, he can go for ages---for as long as I want---and no blue pills necessary.
(Can you tell this topic is of immense interest to me? hehe It's a little personal crusade, to defy ageism and age-stereotyping in any form.)
;)
DTG xxoo
[As I near the end of my first year of my 50's I'm also pretty committed to refuting age stereotyping. Thanks, DTG. Good for you. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Sun, 2006-01-29 19:52.
I just turned 38 and my sex drive is at on all time high. It's been on the increase for some time now. I love it. So does my husband. After 15 years together, our sex is hotter than ever.
[That's so great, Elle! Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Mon, 2006-01-30 06:30.
I am about to turn 46 and I would say that I my sex drive and my ability to enjoy being sexual is definitely on a sharply inclined curve heading upwards. I think that has to do, for me, with the ugly business of growing up in a pretty fucked-up world, priorities placed on becoming becoming independent, bad relationships, and, most importantly, profoundly low self-esteem. It sounds like a cliche, but I would really say all the years of "working on myself" are proving themselves to be time (and in my case money -- shrink $$) well spent.
I look at pictures of myself when I was in my 30's and say, "wow, what a pretty girl" -- and then ask "how come I didn't realize it." But you know, I'm still that very much that same person, not a whole lot has changed; I guess now, I would say that I am an attractive woman.
And ... I love, LOVE the young guys looking for their Mrs. Robinson experience. It's a hoot. And it's fun. And I can take it all in stride and just relax and, umm, well, enjoy the ride, as they say.
[Yup. I don't know why we don't realize it. When I was little I thought I was the ugliest kid in elementary school. Looking back at pictures from that era I wonder what I was thinking! Self-consciousness is something else. And of course if you were attractive in your 30s you're bound to be attractive now. I'm glad you worked through it. Self-confidence is powerfully attractive all by itself. Thanks, Fan. --fl]
Submitted by 582 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-01-31 11:35.
Now I'm thinking about you and an armless rocking chair.
Uh, where do you live? ;-)
[Can't. talk. now. blushing. too. hard. :-) Otherwise I'd invite you over in a second, Mona. Thanks! --fl]