Photo by Flickr user goosmurf. Used under a Creative Commons license.

Still following up on the twenty questions I found at Amorous Rocker of Not Your Average Chick that I decided to answer one at a time instead of all in a rush. So…

8. Fast or Slow:

Hmmm… another very open-to-interpretation question! The very short answer? Slow please. At least at first. And at middle. After too. Middle to end? That’s very circumstantial then isn’t it?

Longer? I can be very fast about “bases,” cupping your ass sometimes before we even kiss, lazily contouring your breasts, shoulders, and arms soon after we begin to kiss… pulling your nearer leg towards me. But then if that’s fast, well, I also tend to wait longer to kiss — I’m not obsessive about it but I really like the “three date” rule. And usually by three dates you’ve got an idea what each other’s interests and boundaries are.

Another kind of fast vs. slow? I’m getting over it but if I slip I can wind up taking forever… sometimes in a good way as in the time I’ll spend kissing from your collarbones to your inner knees. Other times not so great as in your “gagging for it” as Abby Lee put it and I’m oblivious. (Hey, if I wasn’t the world’s biggest dupe of men’s dominant no-sex class paradigm would I be so impatient to subvert it?) That’s where you can just grab me by the hand, or ears, and say what under some circumstances be outright romantic: “do you really need a hint?” (That’s often all the hint I need.)

Another kind of fast or slow? One of the funny things about porn is how fast everybody goes. It’s like an aerobics class. I could just be living in subjective time but it never seems like I move anything like that? (It’s off topic a bit but I also don’t go in much for that “thump-thump-thump,” banging away, no clitoral contact sort of sex, at least not once we’ve settled in for a stretch. I’m pretty likely to roll you up on top of me and… um… sort of trapping your pubic bone between my pubis and the base of my erection while my hands on your hips to feel how you’re moving and then matching your hip’s movements with my own.)

Another kind? Is there anything nicer than taking the time to dip, dip, dip, going an inch further each time? Wow I love how that feels!

Another kind? I really enjoy oral sex and have since before I’d done anything else… or even anything at all! If I’m too slow to move on you can grab my hands, which I’ll usually have up stroking your belly or breasts, and pull me up.

If we do tie-up games I’m usually very quick to untie you after, and should you tie me instead I’d prefer the same courtesy.

It’s funny but I’m not sure quickies count either way — at least for me they’re never so much spontaneous as capping off a moment where both parties have been thinking, and possibly “no-we-shouldn’t-there’s-no-time“ing it for a while first. And so if the quickies themselves are fast the lead up (and the implicit promise of a long follow-up some time later) can be marvelously slow.

Let’s see… oh yeah, and for readers who’ve said they enjoy tapotment... ok, percussive foreplay… ok, spanking, I’m inclined to begin with slow massage and then fast and very light, loose-fingered slaps to get your circulation going, then assuming we hadn’t negotiated something different first I’d go pretty slowly, each swat followed by slow rubbing to ease the sting (in my hand too, remember.)

Oh, a final fast or slow: even though I’ve sort of since learned better, after sex I’m very fast to jump up and bring back a soft, warm washcloth. Gently sink your teeth in my lip or keep your legs around me if you’d rather I slowed down. On the other hand I’m usually exhilarated afterwards and therefore I’d probably be very slow to fall asleep even if wriggling, snuggling, and talking after sex wasn’t fun.