Megan of Jezebel briefly explains what… really shouldn’t be a mystery in the first place.
Brazen Careerist’s Penelope Trunk examines the correlation between women getting oral sex and how much money they make. As if you needed another reason to ask for a raise!
...
...I think it’s worth noting that societies that allow and even encourage women to achieve educationally and professionally are also societies in which women have (some and increasingly more) autonomy over their lives and their bodies. If you are free to pursue your own life, your own career and your own relationships, then you are also more and increasingly free to pursue sexual pleasure. So, I’d agree with Trunk’s editor that while there is likely a statistical correlation between women’s income level and cunnilingus rates, the correlations is probably due more to the fact that these women are increasingly less likely to take up sexual roles proscribed by traditions that specifically discourage them from outside employment and equal earning power.
Not that everybody sees it this way. Megan raises another point:
Trunk’s (male) editor added this:
“Let’s assume that men give oral sex only because women ask for it. That’s probably 95% true. Then who asks for it? Women who consider themselves at least equally deserving of that sort of consideration -the women who are going to be better earners because they are educated enough to know that they deserve it (both the income and the oral.) So I think they are coincidental, not causal. A woman who earns more has the self-confidence (and the self-worth, boosted by external factors like earning ability, education, etc.) to ask for oral.”
Actually, that’s an interesting argument, with which I have one very large quibble. Most of the damn time, I don’t have to ask for oral sex. In fact, I’d say that he’s got the numbers completely wrong, at least in my college-educated, high-earning single experience: 95% of the time, the guy offers, requests or just heads on down there to eat me out. (Maybe it’s because I have better luck picking lovers than boyfriends?)
I… think what’s going on behind the “mystery,” as suggested by Trunk’s editor, is that some people still see oral sex in terms of power dynamics — as something you have to get, based on some reason other than it being something most people just like to do with each other because it feels great, it’s very erotic, and just as much fun to give as to receive.
If, on the other hand, you thought you had to calculate your relative advantages over each other before deciding whether one is allowed to, expected to, obliged to, or… what?... too good to go down on their partner? Or to be gone down on? You probably wouldn’t be into it either. And if one’s partner seemed to be making such calculations? Um, yeah, that’s a real turn on.
—-
And, obviously, this is entirely separate from the questions of whether one actually enjoys eating or being eaten. If you don’t then I don’t see how any amount of status or savvy obliges anybody to do something sexual that they don’t care for. Even as a “trade” for something one does.
Submitted by 2610 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-01-07 21:53.
I actually like giving better than receiving anyways, but if I'm getting, I'd rather sit on the person's face because it's easier on my back.
Submitted by 2610 (not verified) on Thu, 2009-01-08 04:07.
This is an interesting subject.....and I spent last night (whilst cuddling a sick toddler) thinking hard about how valid the corrolation between of pay and career status and men giving up a little tongue action is.
I used to work in a low paid job, I was with the same man for 5 years and sex was okay. Started off great, slowly slipped down that rocky road, with cunnilingus being the first item off the menu.
Then I got promoted a few times, had a far better salary, dumped the waste of space male, and started dating again. I agree it seems I started to get more of what I wanted, maybe it should be attributed to the fact I felt worthwhile, confident and on a level with my male counterparts. I felt more relaxed and empowered to talk about my expectations for sex, what I liked, didn't like etc. Maybe this meant my prospective partners were aware and conscious of the fact I expected them to put out, and therefore they did and continued to make the effort. I also had the confidence to speak up, give a little tap on the shoulder, and point out I needed a little more attention, afterall, I was as good as them in the boardroom no?
I think pay and career has put a completely different spin on relationships. Its not just an issue of cunnilingus or lack of, its also about the fact that few relationships can survive with two power hungry and dynamic bread winners. Society allows the man to be the career person, and the woman is allowed to her her little job that helps bump up the income. There is no damage to either egos in that scenario. He's fulfilled the traditional role of bread earner and alpha male, she helps a little financially, keeps a great house and cooks like Nigella Lawson. She even has the time to put on a little makeup 3 times a week and fluff her man, go down on him and makes sure he's well and truly serviced.
Or, she's the type of woman who earns and works amongst the men, salaried along the same lines. She usually doesn't have a successful long term relationship, as to be frank, she doesn't have the time to invest all her energies into massaging the ego of the would be alpha male. She has her friends with benefits partner, or her live in lover, but it's more of a sexual relationship and less to do with companionship. Sex is a two way thing. She wont settle for a 68 (you do me, I'll do you later), she wants 69's....and you're definately not getting your way til you've given her that tongue action she desires.
The days of the little wife at home, waiting for the husband, the kids scrubbed and cleaned waiting at the dinner table for the arrival of the hunter father, is fast disappearing. Women want more
.....but of course, you then have the poor women who do manage to do both the roles and have so little left, they diligently open their legs, close their eyes and pray for a fast finish so they can curl up and try and and grab that much needed sleep. But thats a whole different story :)