Consider the opening lyrics from the 1966 hit “Cherish,” written by Terry Kirkma and originally performed by “The Association:”
Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you
Do all men and women, boys and girls, cherish others? Sure. Have hidden feelings they can’t reveal? Wish they had told the person they long for? Wish they could hold that person? Yes, yes, and yes.
But how about wishing they could mold someone who would feel the same way in return? I’m pretty sure the molding prospective partners into someone who could “cherish” them is pretty much an exclusively guy thing.
If I’m wrong this would be a good time to let me know.
(Otherwise I might launch into another extended essay that boils down to “men are conditioned to believe women aren’t naturally interested in them and therefor require some manner of male intervention.”)
Submitted by 1411 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-09-14 20:56.
I know this is a very old post, but... letting you know.
I've had fantasies of molding and shaping people, usually men, all my life.
I think it's part of being sexually dominant, not part of being a gender. I wouldn't be surprised if it's more common among men simply because men are taught they're supposed to be slightly sexually dominant in our culture.
Though I do think, as some point out, that there's a "molding" thing imputed to het women as well. A kind of "Men aren't good at relationships or emotions, and once you snag them you're supposed to have a particular kind of civilizing influence."
Which is also molding, but not very sexy.
[Agreed on the "molding from captivity" thing women were expected to spend the *rest of their lives* doing. Which made sense considering the "molding" men were expected to do to get them to the alter in the first place. Incidentally I totally agree with your point that it's a power and not a gender thing. (In fact I came up with the "no-sex" class theory in large part to explain the observably huge difference between men's *heritage* of power and our individual *sense* of powerlessness. So yeah, I'm definitely into your point.) Thanks, Trinity. --fl]
Submitted by 1411 (not verified) on Tue, 2007-05-29 17:20.
I'm pretty sure the girls are into "molding" too. Ask your beloved, figleaf...maybe watch her face, cause she might not reveal the truth verbally (chuckle). As for me, I've never been sucessful at it but I know that I've tried.
[I should have been more specific about timing -- there's the old Borscht Belt joke that, translated into more contemporary terms, says something like "a woman spends years trying to civilize her husband, and then complains he's not the man she married." But at least to me that seems more like what's expected of women *in* relationships. The "molding you into someone..." bit beforehand seems more of a guy thing. But like I say I could be totally off. Thanks for the input, Cathy. --fl]
Submitted by 1411 (not verified) on Wed, 2007-05-30 02:54.
I think in our minds we daydream of that perfect-ish person with traits from different guys we know (might just be me though) and how this bit and that bit would be a great combination.
I don't know that I have tried to do any molding but I do know that I want to know whether or not they feel the same as I do (or at least that we are moving in a similar direction) because I have better things to do than waste time with someone whos interest is somewhere else.
Late night rambles.
[I totally get wanting to know what the other person thinks, J, especially if -- as in the song -- it's pretty clear the feelings are expressed by someone who's never actually *expressed* him or herself to the person being pined over. I think that's where the "molding" part gets creepy. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1411 (not verified) on Wed, 2007-05-30 09:14.
I think what everyone (male and female) experiences is what is described best, to me, in the Paul Simon song with the line, "You don't feel you could love me, but I feel you could." But I agree that the idea of "molding" someone to be right for you (or so that you are right for them) seems to be associated with males. Women are more into modifying men post-capture.
[That's my impression too, Tam. Thanks. --fl]