Photo by Flickr user SiFu Renka. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Goose of , in a thoughtful meditation on negotiation in her seriously but also seriously neighborly BDSM community, asks “What do you think are the three most important (or useful) questions in a kinky negotiation?”
What do you think are the three most important (or useful) questions in a kinky negotiation?
Let me get these three out of the way: – What’s your safe word? – Do you have a ride home? – Red or white?
I’d like to mildly repurpose those into questions of overall respect and responsibility in terms of social, psychological, and physical harm done by asking or, more importantly, failing to ask.
- What’s your safe word? – Do you have a ride home? (Prior to asking “red wine or white?)
I’m not saying everyone should become kinksters (although given the extraordinarily narrow definition of vanilla I’m not sure how many people aren’t) but I do think we might all be better off if the… well… the ethics articulated in, say, Easton and Hardy’s The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
Submitted by 2453 (not verified) on Mon, 2008-10-20 15:28.
Everybody should read The Ethical Slut (but not so emphatically that their brain falls out). It's useful for monogamists too, since the distinction between monogamy and polyamory is not hard and fast. My partner and I are monogamous, meaning we don't have genital contact with other people and try not to kiss other people (uh, that line's been stepped over a few times by both of us), but we still have outside flirting, crushes, lust, and occasional whacking or being whacked by people (although this usually isn't very satisfying if all that happens is whacking). From what I understand of polyamory, I figure that our relationship requires the same skills as a polyamorous relationship, even if the boundaries are a bit more conservative.
Nice photo, by the way. I especially like the glimpse of the tattoo and the little delicate hairs on your shoulder blade. And I see you've been adhering to the rule of thirds.
[Heck, a lot of their guidelines apply to just *basic courtesy, respect, and responsibility.* The 90's business-book era is over, I suppose, but if I had a wayback machine I'd think about writing something like "Management Principles of The Ethical Slut." :-) Also, the rule of thirds? Huh, I had to Google it but now I totally get it. Thanks, P! --fl]