So… simultaneous orgasms were once all the rage. Sometimes metaphorically, as in “spoken about and sought with enthusiasm.” Sometimes literally as in equalitarians raging about insensitive and/or incompetent men failing to meet their partner’s need. Sometimes it was romantics and performance junkies raging that sex was inauthentic if you didn’t or couldn’t.
I think the fad-like quality might have had something to do with popular culture’s “discovery” that women have orgasms… and that therefore maybe their partners probably ought to see to it that they have one. (Aside: note the previous “no-sex” class notion that women wouldn’t have anything so ungenteel as an orgasm; note also the later “no-sex” class notion that it was the man’s exclusive responsibility to insure their partners had them.)
Anyway, I’m wondering how much attention people pay to simultaneous orgasms these days. Speaking for myself, once I figured out how to avoid ejaculating in the first moments of intercourse it’s been easy, lovely, and very enjoyable to just, well, enjoy intercourse, riding the edge until the partner I was with began hers.
Obviously it’s not the end of the world when a partner came first or I did since intercourse really isn’t the beginning or end of thoroughly enjoyable sex. And, as I hinted above, worrying about it can be a real buzz kill, and sometimes it’s just fun to just focus everything on knocking your partner’s socks off or letting your partner knock yours off. But coming together is fun when you can.
Oh yeah, and obviously I’m not saying you both have to come from intercourse alone! It’s not just fine but a lot of fun for one or both of you to slip fingers or toys into, on to, or over just the right spots.
So. What’s your experience with coming together? If you’ve been having sex for more than, say, ten years has the way you relate to it changed any?
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Wed, 2007-06-20 11:28.
I hardly come when fucking, and if I do, they are not very intense.
Had simultaneous twice or three times. The good thing is that if we come at the same time we're both equally exhausted. If I come first he'll have to wait a bit before I can make him come and if he comes first I'll rarely come at all.
[Yeah, sometime last year I posted about how it's a problem that our normal definition of "sex" implies "till he's done." If it were the other way around then bookstores might not have so many self-help sex books. Thanks, Mortality. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Sat, 2007-06-02 00:12.
I cum several times to his one (at the end) so sometimes we are "simultaneous" with my last orgasm and his orgasm. Personally, I like that. But it's good whether it happens that way or not. We don't really even make simultaneous Os a goal, but if it happens, great.
[Thanks, DFP. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-05-31 11:44.
Ooooh, nice photo!
My husband and I occasionally come simultaneously, but it's more of a rare treat. I come much more easily than he does (yes, we're atypical that way) so I'll have several orgasms before we begin to focus on his. And it is a matter of focus.
For one thing, we each have different preferences in terms of what positions we're able to climax in. However, sometimes I'm able to come again when he does just because it's such an intense rush. Like I said, I consider it a real treat!
Also, if we've been particularly vigorous (and we often are) and I feel like my pussy needs a break, I'll finish him off with a blowjob.
For us, it really doesn't matter if we come together so long as we both come:)
[Nicely said, Ruby. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-05-31 12:21.
It was a while before I realised I don't mind if I don't come at all. Yes, once upon a time we used to think we should come together but somehow once we got over that feeling of what the goal ought to be, things were more relaxed and more enjoyable. More recently we just enjoy sex whatever the outcome, forget about goals of who has what orgasm or how many.
[Yeah, I've never minded if I don't come either. It took *me* a while to realize that it's all great when you're both relaxed. (Sex is best when it isn't a test -- self-imposed or otherwise.) Thanks, A. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-05-31 12:54.
So, what's my experience of coming together? I don't have any experience of coming with a partner, ever, let alone coming simultaneously with them. I do sometimes wonder just how many women NEVER have orgasms with their partners?
[Quite a few never do, Hazel. Sometimes there's just no helping it because maybe 15% of women (and quite a few men) never have orgasms at all, and for others having anyone else around is too distracting one way or another. But for most of the rest (the ones where the other partner isn't a complete trog) I think it's got a lot to do with neither party being willing to ask questions or otherwise rock the boat... and so they miss out on rocking their world. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-05-31 13:00.
It has never been a goal of mine/ours. I like to have several to his single - that seems to please us both. 'In which order' has become irrelevant after 10 years.
Loved the pic; good shoes and a belly shot. delicious
[Thank you, Me. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-05-31 13:37.
Eduational video.
Your HNT shot looks okay in my opinion.
HHNT
[Thanks, Rob. Happy HNT to you too. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-05-31 16:59.
Oh, yes... The photo is really really nice!
As far of simultaneous orgasms, this is not at all our thing, and we are very happy as we are... As I enjoy a lot the feeling of his orgasms inside me, I do prefer it that way... When we come together (it happened on a few rare occasions) I feel like I lost a feeling and an emotion that I particularly love...
[That's an interesting perspective, SeaRabbit. Pretty cool. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-06-01 10:30.
I've never come at the same time as a partner, mostly because I'm the only person who can give me an orgasm. For sex, it's also probably for the best, because when I have managed to rub one out while we're having sex, I almost always push him out:)
[You make that sound like a bad thing! :-) Seriously, though, thanks, WG. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Sat, 2007-06-02 05:41.
Ditto exactly what dirty filthy princess just said. That's my experience as well.
[Thanks, Fellatrix. Good to know. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Sat, 2007-06-02 11:48.
I have a medical textbook from the 1950s, all about sexual function and such. It has these really outrageous diagrams showing that simultaneous orgasm is the only "correct" sex. And if couples do not achieve simultaneous orgasm every time, clearly one of them is suffering from some kind of dysfunction. Usually the woman, of course. I would scan the illustrations if the book weren't so old with an almost completely broken spine. I'll have to show it to you when you get here Wednesday.
[One nice thing about taking forever to catch up on comments is... that I actually got to see the illustrations. Wazowie, flowers as success indicators! I gotta get a copy of that book, by the way, cause it's chock full of "no-sex" class examples. Thanks, Amber. Also, wonderful to finally meet you and Rusty. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Sun, 2007-06-03 09:11.
For us the simultaneous orgasm is unrealistic. It's important to me that she's satisfied (she says,"if you're present or not") so I tend to hold out as long as possible or we may or may not have intercourse after she's had at least one orgasm.
[Thanks, D! --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-06-01 14:13.
Happy Friday, Figleaf !
It's totally irrelevant. I tend to need to come several times in order to be satisfied, so it is nice at the end if we come together, but really doesn't matter...
I just want him to have as much pleasure as I did...
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-06-01 08:21.
I've had simultaneous orgasms during phone sex, but I think that's it. I can't come from just fucking, and timing stuff with toys, etc., seems like more trouble than it's worth. I don't think my relationship to this has really changed over the years, though I may have started my sex life with the naive idea that people should aim for simultaneity. I don't know - perhaps over time I've become more about just trying to have a good time rather than trying to have "good sex," if that makes any sense.
I really like how your hands look in these photos.
[Thank you, Tam. --fl]
Submitted by 1415 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-06-01 08:41.
My wife and I have only come together on a very few occasions and they are all the more memorable for that. It used to happen more frequently in the early days of our marriage, but that was when I came quickly after starting intercourse and could then stay erect and keep on going and by the time of my second orgasm she could come as well so it was sort of simultaneous.
But as you have often said, orgasm can be the end of a lovemaking session, but it doesn't have to be. I find holding and caressing each other in the afterglow is often better than the act itself.
[Thank you, Lapis. Nice way to put it. --fl]