The problem being that, according to quite a lot of research, Abstience-Only education works perfectly well… well, at least until he says
I can’t stop this feelin’ deep inside of me
Girl, you just don’t realize what you do to me
When ya hold me in your arms so tight
You let me know everything’s all rightI-I-I, I’m hooked on a feelin’
High on believin’ that you’re in love with meSource: “Hooked on a Feeling” by B.J. Thomas
Or she says…
Heaven’s just a sin away, oh oh just a sin away
I can’t wait another day, I think I’m giving in
How I long to hold you tight, oh oh be with you tonight
But that still don’t make it right, cause I belong to himOh way down deep inside, I know that it’s all wrong
But your eyes keep tempting me, and I never was that strong
Devil’s got me now, oh oh gone and got me now
I can’t fight him anyhow, I think he’s gonna win
Heaven’s just a sin away, oh oh just a sin away
Heaven help me when I say, I think I’m giving inSource: “Heaven’s Just a Sin Away” by The Kendals
Quickly following up on the end of abstinence-only funding in Washington State...
It seems like one benefit of comprehensive sex education besides giving girls and boys the tools necessary to know when they’re really ready for sex, as opposed to when “...your eyes keep tempting me, and I never was that strong” or “I can’t stop this feelin’ deep inside of me…” is that unlike abstinence-only education they recognize that boys need sex education, that boys can make informed decisions… if they’re informed, that boys need freedom to choose for themselves (instead of believing they’re obliged by “instinct”) as much as girls are.
Abstinence-only education begins and ends with
C’mon angel my hearts on fire
Don’t deny your man’s desire
You’d be a fool to stop this tide
Spread your wings and let me come insideTonights the night
It’s gonna be alright
Cause I love you girl
Ain’t nobody gonna stop us nowDon’t say a word my virgin child
Just let your inhibitions run wild
The secret is about to unfold
Upstairs before the night’s too oldTonights the night
It’s gonna be alright
Cause I love you woman
Ain’t nobody gonna stop us nowSource: “Tonight’s the Night” by Rod Stewart
Which sends not just one but all the wrong messages to both girls and boys.
“Comprehensive sex education” means “comprehensive.” And “sex education.” And “for everybody.”
Submitted by 1835 (not verified) on Wed, 2007-12-26 20:21.
Yeah, that peer pressure thing is actually fairly relevant to my situation too, given that the boy in question turns out to be gay (he finally told me about a year after he broke up with me). I imagine a lot of why he did it is out of some desire to prove to his peers (and possibly himself) that he was straight. Which means it probably was as much of a bad idea for him as it was for me. Nowadays he's in a committed relationship with a nice man and they're adopting a kid together. So I'm happy to say there was no lasting damage on his part either!
[Oh great! At least it worked out without too much damage for you. (Goodness knows I'm sympathetic to boys but it's still utter abuse when we/they *use* other people to cover up to/for themselves.) Thanks, Plymouth. --fl]
Submitted by 1835 (not verified) on Wed, 2007-12-26 16:06.
Totally. The whole "boys can't possible be responsible for their 'urges', so it's up to girls to either give in or get out of the way" is getting RAWther old...
[*Exactly!* And if you don't like living as if you're just supposed to be some kind of bait, think how I feel living like I'm supposed to be some kind of hormone-addled *animal!* Pretty revolting! Thanks, Ily! --fl]
Submitted by 1835 (not verified) on Tue, 2007-12-25 13:22.
We had pretty comprehensive sex education in my junior high and high school in that they tried to promote waiting for sex but also gave us some pretty good information about all of the forms of birth-control and disease-prevention out there.
But even with that, the abstinence component of it seemed to consist of "girls - it's OK to say no to boys when they ask. And they will ask. And since we know you don't want sex but will feel pressured into it, you need to have the self-confidence to remain strong and tell them NO." Which is all well and good for the girls that's actually true for, but I was horny. And I didn't feel like anyone had given me a good reason to say no to my DESIRES. So I went out and had sex the first time the opportunity presented itself, before I was really ready in a lot of ways. Fortunately nothing bad came of it and the boy in question is someone I still count as a friend (albeit one I don't keep in as good a touch with as I would like). But it could have been bad. I hope I'm still able to remember this if I ever have children of my own.
["...girls - it's OK to say no to boys when they ask. And they will ask." Too right. And it's not even that that's not accurate, it's that it's *incomplete.* For instance, ready or not, boys often ask because they're under *intense peer pressure* not to look like a wimp. (Never underestimate the impact of the word "score," it's deadly serious.) So *if* you wanted to be serious about AO education (instead of secretly pleased with the status quo) you'd put a lot of effort into increasing *boy's* self-confidence. (And I mean *core* self-confidence, not bravado.) Then we could have a heck of a lot different conversation about appropriate *sex* education. Thanks, Plymouth. --fl]