Photo by Flickr user perldude. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Monk of ...and the strangest things seem, suddenly routine tells a story by way of answering why he likes rope bondage.
Few years back I was selling rope at a convention and got into this very conversation with three well known and well regarded rope tops.
When asked, the first paused and stroked his chin contemplatively and said, “It would have to be the artistry of it all, the lines and how they form across the body. The symmetry of the rope and how it forms the bottom into a compelling shape…”
The next one shook his head and disagreed, “That is all well and good, but for me it is the engineering of it. The “how” of doing bondage, what knots are going to be the strongest and most useful, how am I going to execute the bondage in the most efficient and streamlined fashion… that is what I really like”
Turning to the third and final rigger, he sorta shrugged and in a matter of fact voice said, “I do it cuz trying up pretty girls makes my dick hard. Always has.”
It’s not for me to judge an activity that doesn’t really float my boat to begin with but, y’know, if it were me I’m pretty sure that if I wanted to be the bottom in an activity called erotic bondage I’d… probably go with the top who had concrete rather than abstract reasons for wanting to tie me up. Or, more accurately, who was comfortable admitting, to himself or others, that that’s why he enjoyed doing it.
Because, y’know, the symmetrically aesthetic guy kind of glosses over what those “compelling shapes” might compel him to. And the efficiency/engineering guy makes it sound like he’d be even happier building suspension bridges since there are more knots.
Whatever else one might say about the last guy at least he’s able to acknowledge that he gets erotic gratification from doing something that’s, well, supposed to be erotic! With, presumably and one hopes equally, erotically gratified persons no less!
You see that same sort of alienation in photography when people talk about the esthetics of light and shadow with “the nude.” And yeah, light, shadow, and nudity really are esthetically very pleasing. But… but…
If you’re unable to disambiguate the individuality and agency light and shadows from “the nude” one is surveying then one might have more integrity instead “capturing” light and shadows on cars or pumpkins.
And yes, this is me being a prudish libertine again. I think it’s all great, I just also think it’s important to keep in mind that it’s all great with the people you’re with! Or you should probably stick with the intricacies of photographing sand dunes or suspending Chihuly glass. :-)
Submitted by 2616 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-01-09 00:35.
You see that same sort of alienation in photography when people talk about the esthetics of light and shadow with "the nude." And yeah, light, shadow, and nudity really are esthetically very pleasing. But... but...
I am suitably red-faced.
[Heh. If I thought your remarks in that comment were purely impersonally aesthetic I'd agree you should be red-faced. Since, instead you addressed me as a *person* I thought it was great. Thanks, Kochanie. --fl]
Submitted by 2616 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-01-09 08:37.
Yeah I had a boyfriend who was into the knots once. On a great many levels, he really belonged in Boy Scout camp rather than in bed with a woman. Yawn.
IMHO, if it's all about the knots instead of being about pleasure (with or without knots that's a personal preference thing), it's not sex.
Submitted by 2616 (not verified) on Sat, 2009-01-10 11:41.
As someone whose boat is floated, let me say YOU ARE SO EXTREMELY RIGHT MISTER FIGLEAF. The BDSM world has an absolute epidemic of people (especially but not always male tops) who could talk about their "craft" for hours and never give any hint that it turned them on. Either it's only about providing an experience for the sub (what generous fellas!) or it's hallucinated to be a nonsexual exercise for both when you strip someone naked and pound on their butt--we're just releasing endorphins, you see. Like a massage!
Part of the reason for this is that some guys have "I don't have sex outside committed relationships" rules for themselves, but then turn around and say, "oh, but this isn't sex!" Another part is so they can say that they're not perverts who get off on hurting girls, they're merely hobbyists in the craft of hurting girls.
And as someone who takes sexual things very sexually, it can get frustrating for me. I once had a guy biting on my nipples, ordering me to grind my hips "like a whore," rubbing up against me with an obvious erection--then getting offended and uncomfortable when I told him all this was making me horny. I thought that's what we were doing, dude!