Last Saturday Madame X of The Madame X Files wrote about bloggers who suddenly disappear.
I like getting up every morning and reading my blogs.
I like that I can have my coffee with some guy from Guam, a chick in Kentucky and a Bon Vivant in England among others.
I know that blogs sometimes run their course and go black.
I respect when a blogger realizes that they have said all they can say in this forum and then packs up and moves off to another medium.
Having been a victim of blog harassment I understand the need to delete and disappear or reinvent one’s self.
What I don’t understand is how a person can spend great chunks of their lives with you, reading and commenting on everything from the weather to whether or not have ass sex,and suddenly just vanish with no looking back.
How do you just walk away?
Speaking of which, I went out of town for a weekend and when I came back one of my frequent reads, Emma/ Everything Nice’s BubblegumMeltdown was almost shut down with only a single entry, an extended, vaguely “moving into the light” type of quote, posted by her colleague Shawn. A day or two later the blog went dark altogether. Last time I looked the URL had been adopted by a Japanese blogger so I won’t bother posting the link.
Emma was always waiting for a kidney transplant and grumbling about her deteriorating condition but I have no idea why she went dark. All in all I hope she just got pissed off about something or other, or outed to her grandma, or joined the Krishnas, or just got bored and quit because other explanations can get gloomy pretty quickly.
Update: According to Scumbag at The Wedding Party (and various commenters including Emma herself) Emma is just fine, which is a good thing because I would have so kicked her ass if she was dead. The point of this post stands, however. That’s one of the reasons I’ve given my real-life name and phone number to a handful of people so they can get and post the story in case this site ever went dark and my email went unanswered. I know the solution doesn’t work for every anonymous blogger but it’s something to think about if you have constant readers.
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Wed, 2006-07-26 05:41.
Thank you Fig, I am always flattered to me mentioned in your blog!
I wrote that post mostly about Emma. I guess it's her right not to care how her readers feel over her demise but I some how feel a little...I don't think betrayed is the right word...but I feel empty in my Everything Nice place.
So you have a blooger buddy, sort of like a porn buddy? Good idea!
["Blogger buddies!" Yes, that's it, Madame. That's great! Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Wed, 2006-07-26 06:52.
Blooger!
I need to edit better!
[Hey, take the standard blogger excuse and say "I'm too spontaneous to copyedit." (That would work for me except that I've *never* been good at proofing my writing, ever, ever, since-third-grade ever. Dang it!) Thanks, Madame. --fl]
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Wed, 2006-07-26 20:03.
I worried and wondered about EN, too. I know we're all adults, but dropping out without an explanation is just mean. (Can you tell I have abandonment issues?) I would be very sad if you just dropped out without a good bye.
[I'm not sure I'd drop out even if I had a good reason, Red, but one way or another I'd try to say good bye. I've got some of the best readers on the planet! So thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-07-27 17:49.
i was surprised by how strongly i could form attachments online and how upsetting it was to have someone disappear. and i have come up with the same concllusion as you. a couple very close friends have a way to contact me if need be. it came in handy when i wound up with emergency surgery and hadn't posted in a week due to that. hopefully i'll never need it for any other reason but at least it's taken care of if i do.
[Yup, just like all insurance we hope we'll never need to use it. Thanks, Lime. --fl]
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-07-29 07:56.
What I don't understand is how a person can spend great chunks of their lives with you, reading and commenting on everything from the weather to whether or not have ass sex,and suddenly just vanish with no looking back.
How do you just walk away? [Madame X]
Allow me to offer the dissenting opinion.
Even if a person has shared intimate details of his/her life, you cannot assume that you really know that person. The anonymity of blogging/reading/commenting is the key ingredient that makes this sharing of the sexual self possible.
But the sexual self is only one part of the real person. It may be true that we do not pry because we wish to respect another's privacy. But perhaps we really prefer not to know the real person, because if we did, it would entail the responsibility of caring and helping.
If we have made no attempt to know that person behind the page, then why should we feel entitled to an explanation when the page disappears? Please keep in mind this is a general observation and not a criticism of anyone in particular. I am using Madame X's quote as my starting point, not as an example.
I will concede that the relationship is different between bloggers than it is between bloggers and nonbloggers. Commenters who do not have their own blogs are, by choice, the street people of the blogosphere. You may talk to them, get accustomed to hearing their opinions, but the relationship is tangential at best unless you have made the effort to know one another.
The old adage applies here: if you want a friend, be one.
[You're right that there are as many reasons not to feel connected as to feel connected. But I'd add that feeling connected and being connected are only loosely tied in the sense that one can believe one's self disconnected and discover otherwise only after the connection is broken. Anyway, it shakes out in more ways than we expect. Thanks, Kochanie. --fl]
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Sun, 2006-07-30 14:06.
Just getting caught up with you, Fig. SO true. And it's one thing to say "I just don't wanna do this any more" or "Changing major gears, bye!", and another to literally just take it down and delete it all over with no notice.
I do hope that if I ever get the urge to demolish the House, I'd tell people beforehand. And if I'm ever in an accident or hurt or anything, I have my secondaries set up to go ahead and let people know what's going on.
Hey, I look at it as a community, and my Dear Reader is real. MWAH. You're beautiful, Fig.
[Yeah, it all boils down to whether individuals see themselves as part of a community. The disconnect comes when you think you're not. :-) Thanks, Darkneuro. --fl]
Submitted by 846 (not verified) on Tue, 2006-08-01 13:22.
I'm watching to see if the attorney general comments on websites with S&M content and recent federal legislation causes some sex bloggers to quit.
Hopefully they'll forget all about it after the '06 elections.
[You remind me that one of the words I've been groping for for the last year is "posturing" as in "Politician X has been posturing against sex with the lights on, believing it gives her credibility with her "base" even though she personally has no problem with it and even though neither does most of her base." Thanks, Richard. --fl]