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Auguste of Pandagon asks an uncharacteristic but interesting question: What are the Ten Worst Books…
..to read DURING sex. Probably best left unexplored is why I thought of this in the first place.
Starters:
The Rules
He’s Just Not That Into You
The Prince
The Wealth of Nations
Battlefield EarthFrom Lauren:
The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom by Dr. Phil
Atkins Diabetes Revolution
Who Moved My Cheese? (Bonus points if partner is ALSO reading, “Nobody Moved My Cheese” by Ross Shafer)From Amanda:
Rise and Fall of the Third Reich – UnabridgedAnswering “No one should read during sex” is automatic memefail on the grounds of breaking the fourth wall.
I’d add that outside of certain specific, agreed-upon semi-role-playing situations you probably shouldn’t read sex manuals during sex. Not Joy of Sex, not 101 Nights in Bed, nor any “ten best” tips from Cosmo or Details. Definitely nothing with anything like “How to…” in either the title or subtitle. We’ve usually got enough anxiety as it is. As Scarleteen’s Heather Corinna says, idealized procedures and checklists rarely work on actual people. She also reminds her readers that mutual exploration and “fumbling around” are highly underrated ways to get to know each other.
If you’re into it reading steamy passages to each other is obviously fine. Actually if you’re both into it then reading anything including the phone book to each other is fine, but do check in with each other before assuming.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting is right off (actually I don’t think anybody should read that. It’s amazingly dour. Also lay off Hegel’s Phänomenologie des Geistes, including the introduction. (It’s great reading, just not during sex.)
And if I can just get meta for a moment (ok, more meta) it’s always ok to read fortune cookies… a target=”_blank” href=“http://www.joe-ks.com/Fortune_Cookies_In_Bed.htm”>in bed!
What’s your idea of worst possible books to read during sex? It’s a great, silly, obviously optional meme but if you’re into it you can put your answers in comments or on your own blog.
Submitted by 2452 (not verified) on Sun, 2008-10-19 19:25.
Ah, but one man's poison. . . .
Oh hell, I can't resist.
Chariots of the Gods: Was God An Astronaut? by Erich Von Däniken (although now that I think of it, the idea of reading this aloud during sex makes me giggle, and that could be a good thing . . .)
Dianetics: the Modern Science of Mental Health by L Ron Hubbard
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
Anything by Tom Clancy
[Hmm... You know... I only read Rand once, for an assignment in my first year of college. I think and thought she was insufferable -- a Russian princess till age 16 who almost walked on peasant's backs so her feet never touched the ground gets kicked out by the (equally egregious) Soviets and turns her outraged sense of privilege into a political ideology of unadulterated selfishness. I used to intersect with a bunch of junkies and they just *loved* her essential justifications for their behavior. But I digress. In addition to a couple of essays about how her boyfriend magnficently ignored other people I also read not Atlas Shrugged but The Fountainhead. Seemed like good 40's-era pulp science fiction with architects instead of space jockies and the fairly routine lamentations that we all couldn't be more like Mussolini and Franco and less like those smarmy do-gooders helping the poor and downtrodden. At the time I was also deeply offended by all the bondage-fetish, D/s, I've-got-you-in-my-power-so-force-me-to-fuck-you sex scenes. Oddly, now I think D/s is fine... but I'm *still* offended by her neurosis-driven vision of it. Which, now that I think about it, makes me wonder how many little rational positivists kick-started their fantasy lives over the haughty Dominique Francon's perpetual submissions and degredations? Another rule to live by? No reading ex-pat Russian crypto-sci-fi during sex either. :-) Thanks, Neysa. --fl]
Submitted by 2452 (not verified) on Sun, 2008-10-19 21:40.
I'll second Neysa on Ayn Rand, Tom Clancy, and L. Ron Hubbard. (Then again, why would I read them *out* of bed?) Also ditto on "What to Expect" - I browsed through that book years before I had my first baby, and I swear it was singlehandedly responsible for keeping me unpregnant for most of that time.
Otherwise, I've put my little list up at my place. And can I just say, I don't care how badly you read German, you can read it out loud to me anytime - even Hegel - as long as it's in bed? :-)
Oh, I talk a bold game tonight; my %#$@* back just went out again. Those who can't do, talk. Phooey. :-(
[Eeeyikes, Sungold! Sorry to hear about your back. Also... oddly I can allegedly read German phonetically very well though I have *no* idea what any of it means (the result of six weeks of German in 7th-grade with a teacher who for reasons I actually really don't understand, told me on day one, "I don't think we're going to get along." We actually didn't so I didn't continue. But... y'know, there actually is kind of a cool quality to German... who knows, reading it really might be nice. :-) Hope you feel better soon! --fl]
Submitted by 2452 (not verified) on Tue, 2008-10-21 18:03.
Oh, I dunno ... I think reading (and enacting) a Cosmo-style "10 best" or "How to" article could be fun if you treat it with all the gravity such an article deserves. I envision lots of giggling with occasional belly laughs so all-encompassing that they would require a pause in the proceedings.
[Yeah, that was the specific agreed-upon special cases. In which case it would be a hoot. (I remember two *very* experienced friends who, right after getting together borrowed a copy of Joy of Sex specifically so they could methodically try everything. Which they proceeded to do. In order if I'm not mistaken. In a weekend! But like I say, special cases are... well... special.) Thanks, Monique. --fl]
Submitted by 2452 (not verified) on Sat, 2008-10-25 16:06.
actually, the "in bed" fortune cookie thing makes one i got the other day even more amusing: "Know a person with time, know a horse with distance."
[Wow, that's a great one, Nekobawt! Although for this one I think I'd prefer "know a horse with distance *from* bed." :-) Thanks. --fl]