Vix of The Over-Educated Nympho says
I just came in fifteen seconds. I did it while waiting for my stock portfolio to refresh on my browser. I didn’t even have to take off my pants.
And that is why I have a clit ring.
For the record I think in my entire life I’ve only come in fifteen seconds twice. Nor is this bragging as especially early on I’ve come long before my partner multitudes of times… certainly (and embarrassingly for me) in less than a minute.
Anecdotes don’t add up to much when they come in ones and twos, but neither Vix’s experiences nor mine are unique at all for our respective genders.
Which is funny because, of course, the stories for our genders are that — except for ostensibly humiliating “erectile dysfunction” (more about that one of these days) — when it comes to heterosexual sex, especially heterosexual intercourse, men come easily and women only with great difficulty… if at all. All of which men use to help validate our goofy ideology of women as the “no-sex” class.
The only problem being that while Vix’s 15 seconds might be quick (with or without a piercing) when she takes matters into her own hands she’s not so much quicker as to be an outlier. That and there are any number of men who, despite complete and perfect health, have to work very hard to have an orgasm if they’re going to have one at all.
So…
When you hear stories like only so and so many heterosexual women reliably have orgasms during intercourse that’s just not all of the story. And more to the point, while I’m not saying it’s sex-class men’s responsibility to provide orgasms for passive “no-sex” class women, since women reliably do have orgasms by themselves there’s more to the story of heterosexual dysfunction than “it’s just hard for women to get off.”
Submitted by 1879 (not verified) on Mon, 2008-01-14 22:41.
I think the UNsexiest thing I could hear a man say is "I read about this one chick on the internet who could get off in 15 seconds!"
Um, yeah. About that . . .
Sometimes it really is "just hard for women to get off". No, I am not broken or unenlightened. I know what I need, and that is the 110% participation of my lover. Not him rolling over saying, "I got mine. You masturbate or something to get yours because it's not my responsibility." Bleh.
(love the pic, btw)
[Yeah, I doubt there's anything less sexy than being held to an artificial standard based on what "some chick on the internet," or some dude, can allegedly do. I agree that sometimes it's hard to get a woman off -- *completely* agree for that matter -- but what I want to point out is that while sometimes it's *also* hard to get a *man* off we just never tell stories that way. I think there are a lot of valid reasons for putting *more* attention on women (two off the top of my head would be defining "sex" as "until the man ejaculates" which is probably the biggest; a complete focus on getting to intercourse, which is a pretty low-efficiency technique compared to others) but since there's overlap in the general bell-shaped curves it's weird that we pay *no* attention to men. Or, especially, to women who *don't* have trouble. And what I *think* is happening is, in a weird way, is that society actively, rather than passively, ignores outliers because they don't match the story. Glad you liked the pic, IS. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1879 (not verified) on Tue, 2008-01-15 00:27.
There's an enormous range of function. I wish I had the opportunity to see as much female orgasm as I have male orgasm. Hell, I wish everyone got to see all those orgasms -- think how much better we'd understand one another!
I've always felt not-qualified-to-complain personally, because it is so easy for me to come. When I started doing porn I felt awful that I was misrepresenting female sexuality, making it look like it was actually easy to come from penetration. It is -- for me -- but people were all like "You're perpetuating the stereotype and misinforming our men!"
While I'm at it, can I also complain for a second about all the "sensitive", "enlightened" men who've refused to believe that I could come (because women usually don't)? Or did come (because women usually lie)? Oh, the irony... to chase after something so aggressively, you miss it entirely.
[Well, I think one of the tricks is to kick people's asses and say "I'm *not* an outlier, you're just not paying attention." Because you're *not* an oddball -- not average, no, but not *that* unusual either. Any more than men who have difficulty aren't odd even though they don't fit stereotypes either. And it's the *stereotypes* I'm challenging here, not how easily or hard anyone has it during sex. Thanks, Calico! --fl]
Submitted by 1879 (not verified) on Tue, 2008-01-15 10:59.
I don't want to simplify a man's orgasm because I do appreciate that there are complexities in both orgasms and that men might have as much difficulty getting there as some women do.
However, part of the difficulty in dealing with a female orgasm is that while some come from clitoris stimulation others can come from vaginal only and when it comes to sex perhaps we have a difficulty in defining exactly what constitutes coming anyway. I know a lot of women probably wouldn't count a clitoral orgasm as highly as a vaginal orgasm (or men for that matter). So already there is pressure to conform to a certain type of orgasm. And you know, maybe men don't talk about it and that's just simply that but the female orgasm is complicated in many ways and the fact of the matter is that it might be hard for both men and women to achieve orgasm - a woman can still have sex a bazillion and not ever have one and I mean nada.
As for coming easily and masturbation - when a woman masturbates she probably places more emphasis on the clitoris (well, depending on whether there are toys involved and the woman etc) whereas sex with a man might involve stimulating the clitoris but not necessarily focus on it like masturbation does. When men masturbate it may also be completely different to when they have sex but the organ is stimulated in a simulation of sex rather than in a 'related' way. Obviously I'm not taking into account the different ways that people masturbate...just generally speaking.
[Speaking as someone who, waaaayyy into his 30s and after roughly 60 partners had still never come with a partner any other way besides vaginal intercourse, *and* knowing that I'm really, really not at all alone, I really want to push back a little on this point, M. It's not that I disagree with your assessment, it's that I'm concerned about the incompleteness of the picture if *all* it tells us is "oh, women are hard..." Because as other commenters have pointed out, outcomes of that can be even pretty bad, from Invisible Spinster's "I'm tired of trying, finish yourself off" to Holly's "chill, I'm already sore." The point being that *just saying* that women are hard creates *expectations* that, well, make it even harder. Thanks, M. --fl]
Submitted by 1879 (not verified) on Tue, 2008-01-15 14:26.
One challenge I've run into as a fifteen-second girl is that partners can be so focused on my orgasm (and the supposed "challenge" even though seriously, you barely have to touch me) that they make me uncomfortable by trying too hard. Being made to have five orgasms in a row because the first one didn't feel like enough of an accomplishment is (excepting weird kink contexts) not actually fun.
Sometimes it's hard to communicate that even though I could come, I'd actually rather go a little gentler and just feel the plateau pleasure than be made to come all the time.
[Oh I know what you mean, Holly. Just knocking out an orgasm can be a relief, if relief is all you want (as in OEN's case where she was mostly downloading investment info) but yeah it's not necessarily the best measure of enjoyment. (Good? You bet! Best? Not so sure.) Anyway, the point being that sex needs to be *fun* as well as successful, and knowing each other and how you *really* work instead of how you've been told you're *supposed* to work is what makes it fun. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1879 (not verified) on Wed, 2008-01-16 09:21.
I have had that kind of experience Holly, in my case with a man who after discovering it wasn't that hard to make me come apparently transfered the goal to 'how many times can I make her come'. I felt like I have to perform to satisfy his ego, and as odd as this may sound, it takes a lot of enjoyment out of it.
Being interested in my pleasure is not the same as counting how many orgasms you can give me.
Incidentally Fig, your feed doesn't seem to be working. I even unsubscribed and resubscribed but the latest post sent out is still the 'New posts on blogspot' one.
[I used to be that kind of guy -- if you know what you're doing then women were human pinball machines... instead of people or partners. I wouldn't necessarily change much about *how* I did anything, instead there's just a whole bunch more stuff I'd add. Checking in, not interrupting when she wanted to do things with/to/for me being just two big ones. Thanks, E. --fl]
Submitted by 1879 (not verified) on Thu, 2008-01-17 02:55.
a complete focus on getting to intercourse, which is a pretty low-efficiency technique compared to others
Hmmm... Efficiency of getting me off, in descending order:
1) Masturbation
2) Intercourse
.
.
.
23) Oral sex
24) Manual stimulation (by partner)
.
.
.
157) Vibrator
...which really only shows that "the world takes all types". But, um, yeah, I find intercourse pretty "efficient". Not that "efficiency" is necessarily the benchmark for good sex :)
[I might have chosen a more, um, efficient term then. :-) Thanks, Plymouth. --fl]