One of the nice things about being a stay-at-home dad is you get days like (now) yesterday. I’m going to tell you a couple of possibly boring things and then a potentially salacious bit.

Yesterday, inspired a little by recently-stumbled-upon 30DayGourmet.com (“The Leader in Freezer Cooking” and also, unfortunately, some kind of pay site) I plopped down and made a couple of gallons of homemade chicken stock (2 pressure cookers, about ten pounds of free-range chicken backs and other cheeep parts) and then skimmed, clarified, and boiled down to four pints that, once frozen, I’ll divide further, pack into vacuum-sealed cubes, and deep freeze.

I also made three full recipes of scratch eggplant parmesan (my favorite-in-the-world dish, vegetarian or no) with a gallon and a half of scratch, simmered-for-hours tomato sauce with sweet red peppers, onions, celery, carrots, “wild” mushrooms, garlic, Mexican oregano and Italian herbs, with a bit of anchovy paste and balsamic vinegar for complexity. As an experiment I sliced the eggplants lengthwise into little planks instead of crosswise into circles. Then I breaded them in egg, fresh breadcrumbs and fresh-grated parmesan cheese, and then fried them before layering them up with a ton of mozzarella and my sauce and baking them up. Once those are frozen I’ll break them into individual vacuum packs as well.

I also took the car in to the shop, called around looking for someone who can do some “handy-person” work around the house, cleaned the kitchen, managed a couple of play-dates with other children, made breakfast, school lunches, and supper (surprise, the children don’t like eggplant parmesan so I made them quick macaroni and cheese.**) I also cleared some space in the converted garage that used to be my data center and is on its way to becoming a library, music room, detached guest bedroom. I read a ton of blog pages, read about the election, read about some of the divisiveness over whether gender loyalty ought to trump strong policy differences, and wrote a couple of posts in response to all that.

Now for the salacious bit. I think there’s a drinking game where you type random words into Google, add “porn” and then see whether there’s a porn site dedicated to that particular combination. If there’s a match everyone takes a drink. (If you played it the other way, where you drink if there’s no match, then teetotalers could play without anyone ever being the wiser.)

Anyway, as I was skimming chicken broth, and dividing it into containers for freezing, and as I was spreading tomato sauce over layer after layer of crusted eggplant and cheese, I became fascinated with the rhythm and sensuality of the ladles I was using to dip, pour, swirl, and pat everything into place. I became enamored with the polymorphous qualities — the phallically rounded wood and metal handle of my (Chinese) ladle, the breast-like/buttock-like curves of the cup. I reflected on the gorgeous flow of luxuriously thickened broth pouring forth as I divided it into containers (mmm, it would be lovely to be ladled like that with massage oil or warmed-just-right fresh water after a salt scrub. And as I spread sauce in widening circles with the rounded, polished underside of the ladle I fantasized about spinning similar circles over slippery naked flesh.

If I hadn’t been so busy I’d have taken photos.

When I Googled “ladle porn” I found no associated websites. I felt so proud! (Everyone gets a drink, though it it was up to me I’d suggest juice, tea, or coffee rather than booze. Use good judgment in any event.)

[** I use spaghetti noodles for my mac n cheese, boiling it for eight minutes in lightly salted water, then draining and immediately tossing it with a cup or so of freshly grated cheddar cheese, a tablespoon or so of butter, and a tablespoon or two of milk. You just keep tossing and the heat of the noodles takes care of the rest in a minute — it’s faster, much tastier, and even cheaper than Annie’s or other boxed versions. Oh, there’s nothing special about spaghetti noodles by the way — elbows or shells work just as well. —fl]