So I watched the movie Laurel Canyon. It’s a pretty amazing reconstruction of what life was sort of like back in the early 70’s) and, if we’re to believe the movie, occasionally today in isolated pockets of the recording industry.)
There’s a couple of three-ways or near-three-ways in it, involving a woman (Francis McDormand!), her much younger rocker boyfriend, and her son’s surprisingly curious and willing girlfriend. In one of the movie turning points, when the son confronts his girlfriend, she says, probably very truthfully, “I don’t know why I did it, that’s not really me, I was just curious, I don’t want to be with them I want to be with you.” Or words to that effect.
And that’s had me sort of wondering about the difference betweeen lesbians and the ordinary sort of “bi-curious” situations usually represented in porn. I wonder how many guys differentiate between pictures of real lesbians having sex together and regular mainly hetero women? Perhaps because I knew a lot of lesbians in college, vs women who would occasionally or opportunistically swing both ways, I do care about the difference. I remember sometimes just wanting to bang my head in a door trying to get over a (literally) hopeless crush on this or that otherwise wonderful woman because she was exclusively lesbian. No matter how hard I tried she wasn’t about to even kiss a man.
So I’ve always enjoyed watching real lesbians together, but more because voyeurism is always fun, or because I always learn something new. But I’ve always tended to be more interested in sex between primarily bisexual women because from a fantasy standpoint the chances are just SO much higher that they’d invite me to jump in if I ever happened to walk in on them while they were busy. (That’s how, by the way, that I wound up in my only three-way, But that’s another story.)
Submitted by 78 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-04-27 13:12.
I think, with women, there are at least three distinct categories - boxes, if you will - in which you can class their sexual preferences. You have the bi-curious women, who don't necessarily want to spend much time with many other women, but who do at least want to experience it if only to see if they like it; primarily, though, these are straight women who are curious, who may wish to live out a fantasy they've fostered involving another woman. Then you have lesbians, for whom men hold zero allure. And then you have the women who, like me, find men and women both about equally appealing. Truly bisexual, I think, equal opportunity lovers. I tend to swing more toward men than toward women, possibly out of habit, but I like the idea of fucking a man and the idea of fucking a woman about equally, albeit in different ways.
I've given this a lot of thought lately, since I'm at the beginning of a journey that enables me to explore this more than I have heretofore. I've found that in the lesbian community, "bi-curious" has negative connotations. In contemplating where I am, I find I don't think particularly kindly of the women just looking to indulge a single fantasy once - to sate a curiosity and never look back. Who knew I was a sexuality-label snob? But I have decided, for better or worse, that I am not bi-curious. I am an inexperienced (with women) bisexual woman. And to me, there is a lot of difference in that distinction.
[In general I think there's a fourth category, people who may prefer one gender over the other but don't really care who scratches their itches. (Apologies if I sound judgmental. It's a perfectly fine orientation. I just don't happen to share it.) Thanks, Orchid. --fl]