Eve of Paradise tied up may have coined a particularly playful and versatile euphemism.
I will admit though (because I know you all want to hear about it and because I’m really dying to tell you) that I’ve been making like May and masturbating a bit.
The reference is, of course, to the blogosphereic tradition of May as International Masturbation Month.
Now most euphemisms for masturbation are kind of self-deprecating. At best. From a rhetorical standpoint neither “choking the chicken” or “flicking the bean” really invites repetition (though the actual outcome certainly does!) “Whacking off” and “rubbing one out” aren’t so bad… but neither are they particularly evocative. One of steam-punk author Neil Stevenson’s characters has a euphemism that, because it’s so terminally nerdy, captures the way I think too many of us feel about it: “manual override.”
I think perhaps the biggest obstacle to nicer euphemisms for masturbation is that… well… most of the time, for most people, masturbation is sort of a second choice to “the real thing…” despite the fact that “the real thing” varies allllll over the map. Well, that’s fine too, but in other areas of life we have lots of terms for backup and alternative activities that aren’t so dismissive.
Now maybe one problem is that in the romantic/poetic literary eras masturbation was frowned on. And so we’re a bit stuck for romantic/poetic metaphors. I think the word “May” might fit inside that missing tradition. As with all that era’s terms for sex it’s highly indirect. And also as with many romantic/poetic terms there’s so much potential for highly veiled double entendres.
“I may in the morning.”
“I may dream of your burning kisses tonight.”
“He/she may love this swimsuit!”
“I may not want to be alone.”
“May I join you?”
Your own poetic musings on the theme are welcome, of course, but I’m also curious if you have non-dismissive euphemisms of your own. You may leave them in comments.
Submitted by 1536 (not verified) on Sun, 2007-08-12 19:27.
He's talking to his partner. The thing that bothers me a little bit is the setup: she doesn't want to have sex with him (probably for good reasons, since it was hard to get birth control in the 17th century), and he's trying to change her mind. His argument is that being mortals, they're going to die soon, and they should have lots of sex quickly before they're all dried up and dead. He makes the sex sound savagely appealing, though. After the amorous birds of prey, he says
"Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life"
I think that's kind of hot. I always wonder whether his coy mistress was persuaded.
[Yes that would be patriarchial then. Hot if you're thinking in terms of role playing, but (like a lot of other kinds of role playing) dreadful if not. :-) Thanks, P. --fl]
Submitted by 1536 (not verified) on Mon, 2007-08-13 12:42.
Thank you for the nod, fl! I like the idea of developing "a language of masturbation", as you say. We don't have particularly sexy, or even really raunchy sexy, words for it.
To say, "I'm playing with myself", or "I want to watch you play with yourself", is of course the most common euphemism, and it feels like the person saying it is just trying to avoid saying "masturbate". The Brits have "wanking", which, no offense intended here, but it doesn't have a particularly attractive ring, to me.
In my singularly slutty and exhibitionist mind, I have developed a, some would say, perverse love of the word masturbate. When ordered to do so, the response in me is Pavlovian.
And, with that, I may, again, make like May, and toddle off....
Eve
[Yeah, in the right context there's a certain vividness to clinical terms that just doesn't come through with other more casual choices. Thanks, Eve. --fl]
Submitted by 1536 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-08-10 09:18.
PS Diversion from the subject but, because the picture above appeals to me, it made me think about that rugby photo you posted, and when you said in the comments that you were surprised that the calendar pictures worked. To me those are to be admired from a distance, whereas with your pictures, well, I'd be delighted to get to know the subject better...
[Yeah, there's something about the difference between formal and/or commercial photography and regular or self-portraiture. The former can be, I dunno, maybe more majestic but the latter is almost always more intimately inviting. Thanks for those kind words too, A. Wowzie! --fl]
Submitted by 1536 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-08-09 23:07.
I like "may". It's sweetly evocative, and it adds yet another layer of innuendo to one of my favorite innuendo-laden classic poems.
"Then let us sport us while we may
And like amorous birds of prey
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapped power"
-Andrew Marvell, "To His Coy Mistress"
(Yes, I know that poem is patriarchal and full of "no sex class" assumptions. But some of the phrases are so gorgeous.)
Also, your towel photoset is very nice.
[Actually those verses don't sound that patriarchal... ooh, as long as the speaker is talking to his partner and not another man... which really would be different. Good point about re-purposing old peoems that way -- the old timey lyric "...In the merry month of May / I was taken by surprise / by a pair of [mumble] eyes / While strolling through the park one day" :-) Thanks, P. --fl]
Submitted by 1536 (not verified) on Fri, 2007-08-10 01:37.
"the darling buds of May" fits in with the May theme but "the melodie that's sweetly played in tune" is my preferred.
Another great picture :)
[Mmm, A. Your second phrase is just one long, extended metaphor for... all kinds of things. Woozie! Melodie sweetly played, eh? Love it. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1536 (not verified) on Thu, 2007-08-09 14:31.
I think this is a very nice way to signifie the fact... Does it exists a most ugly word than 'masturbation'... I will check the etymology of such a non-sense... Oh, yes... I love that... "May I may you?"
It smells like lilac... ;-))
["It smells like lilac..." Exactly the sort of sense I had in mind, SeaRabbit. I was thinking a bit more about what I was trying to get at with the romantic/poetic business and it seems that while so much of it was repressed and screwed down tight about sex, having a language of masturbation in those terms instead of the largely sardonic post-50's ones we have would help round our attitudes out a bit. So yeah, smells like lilac captures it nicely. Thanks. --fl]