I’ve needed an excuse to post about an article about sex with nerds for a while and Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon just gave me a great excuse.
Amanda points to a vacuous article suggesting women try use their good looks to hook up with unattractive-looking but financially secure geeks. The tenor of the article boils down to a variation on the old bluegrass wheezer “Always marry an ugly [man] / that’s the only kind / [he’ll] never, ever leave you / but if [he] does you won’t mind.”
For instance the article says
“A nerd is an excellent provider and a guy who puts you first,” says E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine’s love and sex advice columnist. “He’ll turn out to be a great father and a great husband.”
[I’m not linking to the article this quote comes from but Amanda has it in her post. You can find it here.
Instead I’d like to offer this alternate, largely gender-neutral, endorsement of nerds from Glee Magazine.
Two things I particularly liked about the article: a) it doesn’t make the mistake of assuming all nerds are men and b) despite the emphasis on nerds the author’s relationship advice is sound no matter who you’re with.
[Note: The link I’d saved, from April 30th of this year, doesn’t seem to be working at the moment. Luckily I saved a large excerpt. Ordinarily I don’t post things this big but since you can’t see the original, and since it’s generally good advice anyway, I’ve posted a cached copy of the post after the “continue reading” fold. If the link comes back up I’ll reduce the excerpt size. —fl]
Nerds Make Better Lovers
By Cristina Millano
Glee Contributor
Updated: Sunday, April 30, 2006It’s one of the biggest misconceptions in dating, and it’s time to get it out in the open for good. The so-called “cool” men and women out there aren’t half as good in the sack as their “nerdier” counterparts. Nerds not only have the brains, but they also have the most powerful possession of all, the love touch. These guys and gals have taken the time to do their homework, and they’ve mastered the geography, chemistry and mathematical formulas of how to make your body scream. Ready to smarten up and become the ultimate seducer? Then put away those shades and pick up a pocket protector because your about to get lesson 101 in love.
Come to think of it, most of my relationships have been with nerdy women — bookworms, classical guitarists, agriculture and horticulture students, mathematicians, park rangers, square dancers, theater and band nuts, scientists, librarians, and IT industry professionals. It’s not that the nerds I’ve known are really that much better in bed — like everybody else there’s a wide range of interest, enthusiasm, and skill. It’s just that nerds are generally my kind of people.
Original link to Glee via Mikey Mongol at TGP.COM.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 2006-06-22 12:01.
The sites back up. :)
[Good to know. Thanks, A. --fl]
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-06-22 12:32.
i am doing my happiest gleeful nerd dance! i am so nerdy is frightening....bookworm? yes. librarian? working on the credentials. dramma club nut? all thru high school and college. classical guitarist? love to listen, working on playing once i recover from serious hand injuries. woohoo!!! oh, did i mention i read encyclopedias and dictionaries and atlas gazeteers for amusement? (more happy nerd dancing!) you've made my day!
[You're more than welcome, Lime! Thank you. --fl]
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-06-22 13:31.
It's good to be a nerd! I was tickled when I read "horticulture student" since I'm a horticulturist! We do tend to be a nerdy bunch.
And the first time I read the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything!
[It's very good to be a nerd. And for close, personal reasons I can testify that plant nerds are wonderful. Thanks, WH. --fl]
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-06-22 15:58.
Glad you've had such positive experiences with plant nerds, Figleaf!
I work at an historic public garden that until two years ago was a private estate, complete with gaudy mansion. We give tours to fifth and sixth graders regularly, as those are the grades in which the kids are studying Earth Sciences. I am responsible for plant propagation, and explain the different kinds of plant reproduction to the kids as I take them through the prop greenhouses. It always elicits a few titters when I start to talk about asexual and sexual reproducton among plants. I definitely have their undivided attention for that part of the field trip!
[Sounds like a wonderful job, WH. Thanks. --fl]
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Thu, 2006-06-22 23:12.
Vacuous. Macaroni from the neck up. Apt description for an advice columnist who tells readers that nerds make better lovers because they were short-changed on looks:
When it comes to the between-the-sheets aspect of the relationship, Carroll agreed that a girl couldn't do much better than a less-than-perfect male specimen. *We've all been to bed with the guy who is worried about what he looks like, checking the mirror before he gets in bed,* she said. *The nerd, gloriously, stunningly, perfectly, is into the woman. That right there is very stirring, sexually.*
So what is the corollary of this? If you aren't good-looking, you better hone up on those personality skills and resign yourself to selfless devotion?
Lookism may still be alive and well, but it is easily identified by nerds.
[Yup, the corollaries are all fairly negative. Unilateral gratitude is no more a basis for a lasting relationship than unilateral greed. Thanks, Kochanie. --fl]
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-06-23 07:05.
as a sort of response to kochanie allow a little clarification.
nerd are information and learning junkies. no bearing on looks, contrary to the glee author. nerds like trivia and facts and knowings the whys and wherefores. it's fascinating to learn the background of things, how they evolved. i can see why this could translate into being an attentive lover.
geeks are specialized nerds. again no bearing on looks. it's all about technology. they can take apart machines and electronics and figure out programming. again, it's attention to detail and workings. seems hopeful in a lover too.
dorks (aside from the reference to cetacean genitalia) are basically social misfits who are unable to read subtle clues and interact accordingly. close talkers like the guy elaine on 'seifeld' dated, people who can't figure out when they've worn out their welcome, someone who blurts out comments that have nothing to do with the topic at hand...all are dorks. i'm thinking if they need to be clubbed over the head to get the point socially is there much hope in bed?
of course, i'd know these distinctions since i'm a nerd. lol
and i think both nerdiness and vapidity come in all levels of physical attractiveness.
[I thought the Glee magazine was pretty neutral on looks but maybe that's only in comparison to the article Amanda cited. Thanks, Lime. --fl]
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-06-23 08:45.
lime:
Thanks for the clarification, fellow nerd. ;-).
I prefer the company of nerds because I am one, or as we were called, the kids who were smart rather than cool. While smart and cool (or nerdy and sexually attractive) are not mutually exclusive, the stereotype that is projected in movies and sitcoms would have one believe otherwise. Tracey Lomrantz, author of the NY Daily News article "Nerds Make Better Lovers," which was quoted by Amanda Marcotte, states: The caveat to mating with a geek, as some dating experts see it, is coming to terms with his less-than-studly looks and less-than-suave demeanor.
While I think smart/nerdy is undeniably sexy, that old oxymoron, conventional wisdom, does not agree.
Submitted by 735 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-06-23 11:02.
yes, i think glee was neutral on the looks issue. i was just enjoying the topic so much and needed to add my verty tongue in cheek 2 cents. thanks kochanie, loved your response. hiking up my pants, pushing up my glasses and headed out
[Heh. Thanks, Lime. --fl]