Y’know those meme things that go around saying list four of these or four of those things about you? I have a list I’d like to present as a non-meme, a list of ten things someone else has written I think would be good for people to think about. It’s written in two-partner relationship terms but almost everything would apply to lasting relationships of almost any dimension. It’s from April of Where the hell am I?
For me…I need these things.
1. No matter how much I love you, adore you and want to be with you…I have to have alone time. Don’t smother me.2. Be my friend. My mom used to tell me that I should find the person that I want to hang out with in the nursing home with. If we can’t talk, if we can’t be friends…what will be left when that first hot passion burns to a glow?
3. Gaze into my eyes…makes me melt every time.
4. Touch me…and not just when you want to have sex. Rub my shoulders, run your fingers up and down my back, hug me when you come in from work…
5. Share your fantasies. Nothing says bonding experience quite like revealing thoughts and feelings you wouldn’t dare tell another soul. Divulging your lustful longings always has a bonus…who wouldn’t be ready to rip one another’s clothes off after talking about those fantasies? It matters not whether you think I may or may not do it…talking about it is key. AND...you never will find out if it could happen if you don’t bring it up.
6. Make love to me, have sex with me, fuck me…at every opportunity. Neither of us should always have to be the one to ask for it…each of us should instigate at one time or another. Don’t hesitate to do it, I certainly won’t.
7. Be open and honest about your feelings. Don’t try and hide when you’re hurting, don’t try to be macho and not admit it. I have strong shoulders, a kind heart and a listening ear. Use them.
8. Be open to trying new things…new experiences. Be willing to learn new things.
9. Don’t try & change me. If you’re not happy with me the way I am, then don’t become involved with me. Trying to change anyone else only leads to heartache.
10. Love me…and show it well & often. Open your heart, share it with me. In all things.
There’s more than a list in her post, which you can read here.
It’s the sort of thing you can read to each other out loud and talk about, or read out loud to yourself and think about.
Submitted by 631 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-02-24 08:00.
For me....
Yes, I too have to have time alone. I've always been a very solitary person, able to entertain myself easily. I don't need alot of people around me all the time, even the one I love the most. I am my own person, and I have to do my own thing, or I get really weird ... tense and snappy. Fortunately, the hubby realizes this, and it's not an issue.
Touch me ... I've always been very affectionate, physically. I think alot of people misunderstand this; touching leads to sex all the time? No. sometimes you just have to reassure yourself that the loved one is really "real" and "there"; sometimes it's just a nonverbal way of saying I love you. Unfortunately for me, hubby isn't physical that way, and I end up on occasion feeling bereft. But I love the feeling of his skin under my hands, the denseness of his muscles when I squeeze his arms or shoulders or ass, and I love the silk of his hair through my fingers. It's lovely, and soothing, and exciting, too.
6: Fuck me at every opportunity. Oh, I can definitely go there!!!! Don't get to as much as I might wish, but it's nice to think about.
And finally: I'll never change. It's fruitless to try, because as April said, it only leads to hurt. I am who and what I am, and that's the way it is. Those who have a problem with that, are the ones with the problem, not me.
What's my point? I don't think I really had one, just wanted to put in my 2 cents. Have a lovely day!!!
[Yup, we are who we are. Usually all we need is a change of perspective. Without going all woo-woo the goal isn't to change or erase our weaknesses (which is what most of us think about when we say "change") but to figure out the strengths our weaknesses hint at and work on them (which we almost never think about when we say "change.") Thanks, Rhia. --fl]