So last night I almost didn’t go to a local Seattle meetup put together by Holly and Jill from Feministe because I was sure being a man, and twice (almost) everybody’s age, and not having a graduate degree in anything, and not really being connected with a lot of people, and, and, and… and I was talking with my partner about it and mentioned that it always seemed like my story is that I don’t quite belong here, or that I won’t quite fit in there… and she said “well, all the more reason to go then.”
And anyway, so I went, right? And the first thing someone else said was “I was so nervous I almost didn’t come,” and then a bunch of other people nodded, and I said hey me too, and then suddenly we all had something in common after all.
And at least two things came to mind over that. First of all I don’t know if we ourselves are always the best judges of where we do and don’t fit in. Second, I sort of hate to think of all the other people who, for whatever reason, went the other way and didn’t show up because they made the decision they wouldn’t fit in.
The point being that for all of us there are probably some dimensions that we really really don’t fit into, but the chances that nobody will take us are so slim that, past a certain point, we have to start asking who’s really keeping us out.
—-
It felt really good to meet Jill and Holly. Feministe was maybe the second or third feminist blog I ran across when I first started reading blogs nearly three years ago now, and between that and Pandagon and Feministing (the other feminist blogs I found first), especially, I finally kicked myself out of the rut I’d been in since maybe the mid-1980s. So that was great, and it was great to be able to put faces to at least some of the names of their commenters too.
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Tue, 2008-01-01 11:13.
I like this format, but something must have went askew, because I thought I was replying to Sungold.
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.
[happy New Year to you too, Five! --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Mon, 2007-12-31 20:55.
I feel like that a lot of the time in most situations. It's a bit alienating. I'm glad that you went because seriously I can't imagine you would even feel like that. You're extremely prolific and always relevant and interesting!
[Hey, look at it this way, M. If *I* can feel shy then it's totally ok for everyone else to. *But!* If I can get out of myself and go anyway, then everyone else can too. :-) Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Mon, 2007-12-31 22:37.
Cool! Glad to hear you went to it.
Happy New Year!
[Thanks, Amber. Happy New Year to you too! --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Mon, 2007-12-31 14:46.
I wasn't able to go to the meetup because I had a family event that night that I just couldn't miss, but when I was thinking about it, it did cross my mind that I'd be a 40-something among 20-somethings, and I'm not even a blogger, and...and...and.. That said, I would have loved to have met you, Figleaf!
[Hey, I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you too, Jen. If I ever come out (of anonymity, not out to Seattle) I'd hope you'd feel like you ought to be there. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Mon, 2007-12-31 17:22.
Like "A" said, it is the age, not having read any of the books, and not wanting too, or not having had similar experiences. I find myself off topic or so it feels that way.
Thanks for reading my comments and post.
[You bet, Five. Like I say, I'm glad you're here. --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Mon, 2007-12-31 02:10.
I know how you feel Five of Nine. And I would probably have struggled to turn up to your meeting figleaf. I've had quite a bit of feeling the odd one out at work, mostly age related. I've been the only woman, or one of very few, all my working life, so that doesn't bother me quite so much. But it's not purely self-inflicted you know. Relatively recently people have started apologising to me for things that have been said, as though I have suddenly become some sort of Victorian maiden aunt over the last few years.
[Oh dear, and sooner or later I suppose they'll start trying to help us across the street too. I'm not even sure what to do about that yet. But I bet we'll figure something out besides calling them "dearie." Thanks, A. --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Sun, 2007-12-30 19:15.
i've done that more than a few times...kind of chickened out on things...until i forced myself to go more than once and then learned that i usually have more fun if i DO go.
as an extreme extrovert, and a former barmaid, i can *talk* to anyone, just about, but sometimes i just need to withdraw.
[Yup. Same here. I really enjoy both quiet and social time... and need them! Thanks, Zoely. --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Sun, 2007-12-30 20:12.
Oh, goodness, you should *not* think that, Five of Nine. I for one always enjoy reading your comments here, and your blog is interesting, too - I've followed your link a few times. I'm just one reader but I bet others agree.
[Yup. Same here. Thanks, Sungold. --fl]
Submitted by 1846 (not verified) on Sun, 2007-12-30 15:21.
I must say that is how I sometimes feel here.
[I get that you might feel that way. But you and your comments have made a big difference in the way I write and what I write about. I always notice when you haven't commented for a while, and I almost always "jump the list" to see what you've had to say. Happy New Year, by the way, I hope you have a great one, Hathor. --fl]