Sex educator and sex-ed education professor Karen Raye of Adolescent Sexuality has a cool post up about “romantic” pop song lyrics. Check it out.
Tonight I am preparing for a class tomorrow morning on gender. I start all my college classes with a song that is relevant to the topic…
As so often happens when we start listening to music on YouTube, we veered dangerously off track into talking about songs that have a different connotation now than they did at the time. Two that jumped right to mind were Baby It’s Cold Outside and Every Breath You Take. In the event that it’s been too long since you’ve heard these songs to hold a good conversation about them, you can read the lyrics from the links above or listen to them below.
Baby It’s Cold Outside was seen as playful banter, and Every Breath You Take was seen as a romantic ode.
But why?
When you look at the lyrics, they’re both excessively issue-laden songs that portray unhealthy attitudes about sex and relationships. Baby It’s Cold Outside is particularly rife for deconstructing in a class on healthy sexual communication (as a negative example, of course).
Every Breath You Take can be read as stalking and/or isolation-abuse. And in case you’re unfamiliar with it, the old show tune “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is about straight-up date rape.
For the record even in 1949 the subtext of Baby It’s Cold Outside wasn’t lost on the comedy duo Homer and Jethro. I can’t find the lyrics online (and they’re complex anyway) but YouTube has a video from the 1960s, reunited with June Carter Cash, that wickedly gets the point across! (Caveat: even though the slapstick in the video is consciously over the top it could be triggering.)
I always thought Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s the Night” had the outright creepiest — “Stay away from my window / Stay away from my backdoor too?” “Let me pour ya a good long drink?” “Don’t say a word, my virgin child?” Yikes! But then I always thought that.
The Four Seasons’ “Cherish” seemed pretty cool at the time but a few years ago I realized “You don’t know how many times I wished that I could hold you / You don’t know how many times I wish that I could / Mold you into someone who would cherish me as much as I / Cherish you” is somewhere between grooming and outright manipulation.
Then in the 1970s Smokey Robinson had a string of loner/stalker/sexual-harasser hits like “Take a Letter Maria,” “Just My Imagination,” and “Knock Three Times.”
The one-hit wonder “In the Summer Time” had “if her daddy’s rich / take her out for a meal / if her daddy’s poor / just do what you feel.”
And then there was Paul Anka’s “Havin’ My Baby!” (“What a lovely way of sayin’ how much you love me.”)
Then there were John Lennon’s early lyrics like “Run for Your Life” from Rubber Soul. M’yeah, baby!
The list goes on.
On the upside, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere if you closely read “Stand By Your Man” it’s full of veiled contempt for both monogamy and male supremacy.
Anyway, since many of those songs were written for the emergent-adolescent market, where generally speaking the audience was trying to process new emotions and hormones around things they hadn’t yet actually experienced the results could easily have been as pernicious as the accusations made against exposure to porn at the same age.
What’s your “favorite?”
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Tue, 2009-10-13 23:31.
I seem to remember that "Every Breath You Take" was an allegory on the Cold War. Am I completely off-base on this?
Also, Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" is a perfect example of stalker/voyeur romanticizing. Really, really super creepy lyrics.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 00:45.
I've always been creeped out by Every Breath You Take. Never seen what was so romantic about it. If I hear that from a love interest, I'm getting a restraining order, not cooing over how romantic it is.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 03:24.
I don't know if it's creepy, but Paper Doll makes me laugh every time. I don't know if in 1915 it could be taken as literally as today. You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby has some parts that creep me out a little.
It's not in english, but in 1939 Ary Barroso wrote Camisa Amarela, saying she found her man drunk, refuses to go back home, is seen again later drinking more in a bar, arrives at home only 4 days later when Carnival is over. He falls on bed in his clothes and shoes, wakes up hungover and tries to pick a fight with her ("The danger!" on the lyrics), but she doesn't care because when he's done partying he always comes back to her, he's The Guy and he dominates her as a guy should. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9dpGZAh_iE)
When I was 12 I threw an outraged tantrum when I heard Mulheres de Atenas (Women of Athens) for the first time. "Look at the example of Athens Women, living for their husbands, Pride and Strenght of Athens." The song goes on and on about how they wait quietly when the men go to war, stay faithful but always sexually available to them when wanted, how they obey and breed the next generation, and how the go to their knees and beg for harsher punishments whe chastened. Near the end, "They have no taste or will, no flaw or quality, just fear." My older cousin had to explain to me that Chico Buarque meant look at the example and you'll see how it ends", as he said in reply to all the other outraged people who weren't 12 when the song was recorded first.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 05:07.
i used to listen to the "vintage jazz" station at bostonpete.com (lot of good music there, actually), which plays a lot of old stuff from the 1910's through the '40's. one of the creepiest songs i heard on that station, i don't remember the name of it or the exact words, but it was one of those songs where the jist is "hey little girl, come on over to my place, i've got candy and dolls you can play with, and pretty dresses you can wear" and stuff like that. actually, i think al jolson had a song along those lines.
whether they're intending to glorify patriarchy at its patronizing best, or straight up pedophilia, songs like that give me the absolute *willies*....
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 07:43.
From the `90s, "More Than Words" and "Two Steps Behind" spring to mind.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 10:23.
The Killers' Mr. Brightside and Andy You're a Star, although I'm pretty sure the creepiness is intentional.
I also vaguely remember being at a concert where the singer complained that her cover of some song (I think it might have been a Whitney Houston song) kept getting played at people's weddings when it was about a woman cheating on her husband.
Non-sexually, Born in the USA used for political campaigns and Hundred Years (a depressing song about growing older and losing your dreams) used for car advertisements.
[Oyi! And the first George Bush using "Don't Worry, Be Happy" as the theme song for his reelection attempt! Not only did Bobby McFerrin object to them using his version without permission, the verses (which the Bush campaign obviously didn't use) include lines like "aint got no place to lay your head, somebody came and took your bed, don't worry, be happy!" Thanks, Oz. --fl]
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 11:11.
sorry to do this here but i've sent you a couple of emails and not heard back. i've got no desire to press, just want to know whether i should cross the idea off my list, where it's been pending since august. thanks, laura
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 12:28.
I saw Family Guy In Concert at Carnegie Hall last year, and Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein did "Baby It's Cold Outside" as Quagmire and Lois, adding some hilarious extra-date-rapey lyrics to take it over the top.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 12:39.
For me "It's Raining Men" took on a new dimension when I found out how far a raindrop falls. The "perfect guy" is obviously flat and very dead.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 13:13.
Ditto on Born in the USA, Ozymandias. Drives me nuts everytime I hear it missapplied.
On the topic I'd add "Midnight Train to Georgia" with the annoying lyric "I'd rather live in his world, than live without him in mine." Interestingly, if my Beloved was truly offered an opportunity of a life time I'd pack up and move in an instant, but then again, I can do what I do anywhere so it depends on the other partner's situation. I'm sure there are lots of folks (men and women) who'd have to think twice about giving up (almost) everything they'd achieved for someone else's happiness.
I'd also add the wide and wierd world of broadway show tunes especially anything prior to the 60s and early 70s. One of my favorite offenders is "As Long as He Needs Me" from the family favorite "Oliver." The character is not too long after murdered by the he-who-needed but the song even in the context of the play is seen as heroic steadfastness by the woman.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 13:46.
Yes I agree but I'll never stop loving Louis and Velma's version of Baby it's Cold Outside.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_BJuAEybJk
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 14:00.
Natalie Imbruglia's song "Torn" strikes me as quite creepy, especially when it gets to the second version of the 'B' theme:
"I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel/
I'm cold and I'm ashamed, bound and broken on the floor" - and coupled with the hook line "I'm already torn" I find the whole thing sounds more like the aftermath of a date-rape than just being dumped.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 14:11.
Great question. I started a comment and it grew and grew, because I think the date-rape scenario skips over some very interesting complexities in the song - not least, the fact that the woman clearly wants to stay but is worried she'll be slut shamed. The long version of this idea is here; what might be interested for your purposes, figleaf, is that she's pretty clearly violating your first Rule of Desire.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 16:55.
"Every Breath You Take" was (as I understand it) explicitly written about stalking. It was supposed to be as creepy as it sounds.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Wed, 2009-10-14 18:45.
"I Will Possess Your Heart" by Death Cab for Cutie. The song is possibly improved by the addition of "In a Jar". At least then it's a mad scientist and not JUST a creepy ass stalker.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Thu, 2009-10-15 21:34.
"You're Sixteen"
Johnny Burnette was 26 when he had a hit with it, Ringo Starr was 34.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-10-16 03:21.
I'd have to go with two U2 songs, namely "Under a Blood Red Sky" and "Some Kind of Homecoming". Both were about nuclear war, but I didn't realize that while dancing to them as a kid.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-10-16 03:23.
I'd have to go with two U2 songs, namely "Under a Blood Red Sky" and "Some Kind of Homecoming". Both were about nuclear war, but I didn't realize that while dancing to them as a kid.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-10-16 13:58.
"'Every Breath You Take' was (as I understand it) explicitly written about stalking. It was supposed to be as creepy as it sounds." That's what I came on here to say, so I'll just reiterate it.
It strikes me that a lot of the songs that strike us as unexpectedly "creepy" were actually written on purpose to be that way. "He Hit Me & it Felt Like a Kiss," etc. etc. Who are we to assume the songwriters weren't using the conventions of the pop songs to capture the disturbing side of romance?
[Hi Emily. Another song I missed mentioning because it didn't quite fit the profile was one of Curt Kobain's songs where his intention was to just really blast people's attitudes and audiences would dance madly or waive their lighters. In other words it's not so much what the writer meant, it's how the audience takes it that makes some of these songs creepy. --fl]
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-10-16 20:58.
One song that I used to really enjoy, but now gives me pause, is Centerfold. Cute story about a guy finding out his high school crush posed in a nudie magazine ...
"It's okay I understand
This ain't no never-never land
I hope that when this issue's gone
I'll see you when your clothes are on"
Fine so far ... and then ...
"Take you car, Yes we will
We'll take your car and drive it
We'll take it to a motel room
And take 'em off in private "
What bothers me is that these are statements of what *will be*, not what could be. The addition of the word "maybe" would do a lot for my comfort level. As is, it seems like a perfect example of the madonna/whore dichotomy and the idea that once a woman has displayed her flesh, she's available to whoever wants her. Dude, she didn't want you then; why do you think she wants you now?
Also, almost anything by Prince. I can't bring myself to listen to Little Red Corvette anymore - all about how his "romantic" interest is ruining herself by sleeping with a lot of guys *horrors*
[Nicely put, Monique. Thanks! --fl]
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Sun, 2009-10-18 21:37.
Definitely Gary Puckett and the Union Gap.
"Young Girl" - "And though you know it's wrong to be alone with me, that come-on look is in your eyes."
Suuuuure it is, Gary. At least, that's what you'll be telling the jury later.
"Woman Woman" - "Woman oh woman, Have you got cheating on your mind, on your mind. I've seen the way men look at you When they think I don't see And it hurts to have them think that you're that kind. But it's knowing that you're looking back That's really killing me"
THAT kind? Oh dear.
Submitted by 3240 (not verified) on Fri, 2009-10-30 06:06.
Bruce Springsteen's "Fire". I used to find that one very sexy, until I started thinking about the lyrics.
"I'm pulling you close, you just say no
You say you don't like it, but girl I know you're a liar
'Cause when we kiss, Fire"
Yeah, cause as long as the guy is sure he likes it, what the woman says is irrelevant, right?
I’ve heard a version of “Baby
Submitted by PattyCake (not verified) on Sat, 2009-12-19 20:39.I’ve heard a version of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” where the parts avoided the whole date-rape stigma simply by switching parts. And the Pointer Sisters avoided it in “Fire” by singing, “I say I don’t like it, but you know I’m a liar.” Problem solved.