Years and years ago when a lot of my friends were taking a couple of years between high-school and college to bop around and try to support ourselves we discovered something surprising. If you move in with your best friend, instead of going out to visit each other all the time, you seel less of each other not more.

It’s an interesting phenomenon, eh? It’s not that you like each other less, though occasionally you encounter unreconcilable domestic differences. Instead it’s that when you can see each other all the time and partying together in all your spare time… you sort of stop seeing each other at all.

Leela Lamore of Leela finds the same effect in a post about what constitutes vanilla sex.

So there you have it, in our case Digger is quite correct. Because both of us are open to kinky sex we actually don’t have it that often … interesting hey?

Read her whole post here.

Note: Sam Sugar of SugarBank recently posted a list he calls Five Rules of (Sex) Blogging. One of the rules, Credit, takes people to task for, among other things, cloning entire posts so that your visitors never bother to follow your courtesy link. (Yes, it’s tempting to clone Sam’s entire post but you can see it for yourself here.)

In this case, if you’ve read this far and haven’t followed one of the previous links and never returned, you probably do want to visit Leela’s post because she does an excellent job of explaining why she and her partner almost never have anal sex even though he was once mad to try it with her and they both enjoy it.

I think Leela’s answer, and the answer to the problem of friends as roommates I mentioned above, probably also accounts for some of the frustration expressed around the bloggosphere about partners who appear to lose interest in sex (not to mention dancing, romancing, and other emotionally healthy elements of relationships.) I think, in particular, it explains how the “missing” partner often seems so suprised when the absence is pointed out.

I think it’s because, for some people anyway, the fact that you always can do it means you never have to do it now because there’s always right after this ballgame, or this email, or this meal, or this meeting, or this chapter, or this crisis, or this conversation, or this phone call, or this workday, or work week and so on.

In other words I think it’s not that we, or they, lose interest in sex, it’s just that we, or they, don’t notice the time.

I don’t know what the solution might be, but I get the impression a solution would be more than welcome.