Ok, so every now and then I come back to this shaving topic and the (perhaps waning?) controversy about women who shave or wax their pubic hair. Two particular things have triggered a post this time.
First let’s get the trivial reason out of the way: on the way out of town I picked up one of those rediculous new 5-bladed razors, a Fusion from Gillette. What can I say? It was on sale for next to nothing, and I figured gimick or no gimick it sure is cheap, right? OMG! It’s a totally different experience! (Note to Gillette: end me a check for saying this! cricket… cricket… Oh well, never mind.) Anyway, I’d been on a retreat with my family and hadn’t shaved for a couple of days. Usually that means it’s gonna hurt when I shave, especially under my chin, no matter how much I soften the whiskers before hand. With the new razor, though, I scarcely felt a thing. The big deal, I think, is that there are finally enough blades that no one blade winds up digging into your skin. Instead they just slide over your skin, cutting only hair, and the whole thing is over before you know it. Anyway, the point is they’re great. Figleaf says go for it if you’ve never tried it. (Clue: Having shaved in a pinch with razors allegedly pitched for women — the ones with the big paddle-like bumpers around them like the Venus thingies have — I think they’re just trying to rip you off. They’re more expensive and I really don’t see how they’d work any better.)
The other, considerably more interesting and important reason, is that I’ve been meeting all these wonderfully friendly, genuinely interesting sex bloggers on my trip and I got into a great conversation about shaving with one of them. In particular we talked about different sorts of hairstyles. (In particular I told her about the five-bladed razor I just got.)
One thing that occurred to me after our conversation was how particular people can be about exactly how they want their partners to be shaved. Something I’d forgotten about was the different styles and how they appeal to different people. And you know some people can be really, extremely biased about it.
And the names of some of the styles are kind of odd. I mean, yeah, there’s the “landing strip” and the “charlie chaplin” but there’s also the “john walters,” the “au naturel,” and the “tea-time!” Anyway, it’s totally obvious from this site why men can be so casual about asking their partners to shave or trim. [Note: Based on a good point from Veronica in comments I updated the preceeding link. —fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-08-25 21:36.
"it's totally obvious from this site why men can be so casual about asking their partners to shave or trim."
Ummm...because men get to play with their facial hair to such a huge extent they are more casual about the concept of shaving? Therefore they are able to ask women to accommadate their shaving preferences pubicly?
Is that what you mean? Because it doesn't matter where the hair is on my body, men always feel they have a say/opinion about it. I've had men drop me for getting a trim (of the hair on my head) without "permission" or notice.
I've never once asked a man to shave his legs, under his arms, not cut his hair, have a certain beard style, no matter what my preferences in manscaping. I have, however, recently been expressing a preference for trimmed hedges around the tree, and fully shaved is better.
It makes the difference in whether I'll suck on his balls or not.
[Hey, Red. As you point out women are also being more clear about their preference for men's pubic grooming. (And I'd be happy to trim or shave if a partner asked me.) And while I have occasionally suggested trimming (and offered to do it) I agree that it's up to the individual how he or she chooses to groom. You probably agree most people aren't as sanguine about their partner's choices as perhaps we are, and *that* was the point I'm trying to make. Thank you. --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Fri, 2006-08-25 22:37.
"One thing that occurred to me after our conversation was how particular people can be about exactly how they want their partners to be shaved."
Well... that's nothing I've encountered that I'd be willing to put up with. Like Red Frique said, some people are hair Nazi's and those people can take the shaving cream and cram it where the sun don't shine. Which is to say, bodily integrity is something I put stock in. I don't tell someone what to do with their hair, and no one bosses my follicles around, and askmen may be the single worst source of justification for badly behaved dudes I can come up with just at this moment.
And, I thought the 5 bladers had the "precision" blade thing, so it was really a 4-blade with a single on the other side?
[Eek! I found the Ask Men page via Google and I'm not that familar with the site itself. Going back to Google this article might work better. Actually, I'll replace the link in the main article. Thanks, Veronica! Oh, p.s. I just counted and there really are five blades on the face and... you're right, there's a sort of hidden sixth blade on the backside that I just sliced my thumb on! It's not at all bad but dang it all! Ok, it's actually *six* bladed. :-) --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-08-26 04:47.
Why did it take me to the end of your post to figure out you weren't talking about shaving my legs?
I need coffee.
I wax because I like myself waxed. I like the way I look and the way I feel feel.
It's just an added benefit that he likes it too.
I agree with Redfrique on the ball trimming.
Nothing worse than a big old hair ball in the middle of a blow job. *ack*
[Yup, I tend to shave for myself though partners (or potential ones) have been pretty categorical that I should shave or trim a certain way. And at least if you wear slacks and shirts with sleeves one's employer can't make one shave legs or armpits, quite a few of them dictate explicitly whether and how much you must shave your face. Note: The blogger I had the conversation with said she just hands her partners the razor if they want her hair a certain way. It's pretty brilliant, really, and if my partner had a preference I'd totally let her groom me to her liking. Thanks, Madame. --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-08-26 08:57.
i wish i had to guts to get waxed. sounds too painful. the trend right now is leaning towards bare, i've noticed. hey ladies...things could change, no?
personally, i like it mostly bare with just a teeeny bit of fuzz along the outer lips. i call it my mirco-mini-muff!
[One of these days I'll have to get waxed just to see what the fuss is all about. (My guess is it's about a lot of "owwwww!" but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try it.) If I could just find a way to write it off as a business expense.... :-) Things do change, though. A friend in women's healthcare in rural central Maine told me last year that roughly half the women she saw shave most or all their pubic hair. Ten years ago I doubt it was one in twenty even in the most urban areas. It used to be pretty unilateral where women were under more pressure but men (or at least straight men, I'm not sure about gay men) weren't called on to shave at all. Now manscaping is loose in the world as well, and it sounds like a lot of women aren't turning back from wanting their partners to trim up as well. The cool thing, as far as I'm concerned, is *that's* evidence that times really *do* change. Thank you Heart! --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-08-26 09:00.
p.s. thanx for the tip on the fusion razor too. i may have to try it. it sounds intriguing
[If you're going to shave with a razor I'm gonna say this is the one to beat right now. Hands down. Thanks, Heart. --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-08-26 09:08.
I am only letting licensed professionals near my pussy with hot wax!
And quite frankly I see the way some of you guys shave your faces...I'm not that brave to let them near me with a sharpened blade.
[No, if you don't trust them to do it right then you definitely shouldn't trust them at all. On the other hand, many of us *do* have a lot of experience shaving around sensitive lips (and chins) so it's not like we're totally clueless. I'll repeat, though, that if you don't trust them then it would be crazy to risk it. Thanks, Madame! --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Sat, 2006-08-26 15:36.
My first boyfriend was kind of an ass about shaving. He also liked much younger women (he was 30 and cheated on me with a 17 year old, so his preference skirted around the age of consent). He kept himself shaved, and I found it didn't really feel that good for me, for us to both be shaven. Plus I couldn't get it right, somehow I always end up itching and red.
My current mister, who I've been with for 4 years, doesn't mind either way. He's a total dreamboat. I sometimes shave just for something that feels a little different, and I keep it trimmed nicely the rest of the time.
You've seen the Vagina Monologues? There does seem to be something a little odd to me about the concept of shaving "down there," in that women and men have hair. It's part of our bodies. It holds our scent, and our smell is a very sexual thing. I also feel it does make me look a little prepubescent, and for someone to prefer that is a little creepy to me. I mean, I respect other people's preferences, but it does seem to me that fetishizing (is that a word?) a sex characteristic that belongs to well, pre-sexual activity may be part of the way we sexualize young women. And I know from the title of your blog, RealAdultSex, as well as some of your posts, that that sexualization is something you feel strongly against.
Another thing to keep in mind is all the little "teenie porn" sites have shaven models. I can't help but think it's no coincidence. Maybe I've over-thinking this. But I don't think that hair is just hair. If it makes a woman feel better to shave, fine. Get to it, but I think we need to inspect the reasons WHY our partners may request this, or prefer it. I don't want to feel like I'm 12 again. I don't want a man who will infantalize me, either, sexually or otherwise.
It might be good to know that I also prefer a full-beard (albeit trimmed, so there I go). Especially on red-headed men. I think they're quite dashing. And as for the hedges, I prefer a roll around in the hay with a man who keeps to nature.
Just my two cents.
[For the record the "shaved bare looks prepubescent" thing doesn't work for me any more for women's pubic, leg, or armpit hair than it does for men's pubic, leg, armpit, chest, back, chin, and upper lip. Hair or no hair men and women don't look like little boys or girls. (I mean think about it. Does the average beardless man looks like a little boy? Almost never.) Also, while it's cool that you prefer men with beards, and I'm completely not knocking your preference. But it *is* still a preference even if it's about *not* shaving. :-) Thanks, Rae. --fl]
Submitted by 891 (not verified) on Sun, 2006-08-27 09:05.
Had to comment, FL...I shave my pubes for one reason and one only, and it has NOTHING to do with the guy I am with (or not with at this point in time, as the case may be). I started in my teens because my mother flat-out refused to buy tampons for me to use...and maxipads are, let's face it, pretty gross.
No matter how much you wash up, no matter the little wing-dings they put on the sides, no matter how much the commercials tout about the amount those suckers will hold, sooner or later, they twist, they roll, the don't hold enough in the MIDDLE where it counts (I've yet to have used a maxi where the SIDES got used!)...and when they decide to overflow, OMG. And there's the SMELL. WHEW. By the time you get around to changing the thing, there's an odor, sometimes there's overflow onto your garments, there's ALWAYS gonna be some mess sticking to the short hairs down there, and good golly miss molly, you go to drop trou and use the toilet when you've got a maxi that's twisted and rolled...HOLY HELL that hurts! It feels like tweezing your pussy all in one shot. Believe me, I have NO interest whatsoever in waxing my pubes, after all those teen years of using maxis.
I couldn't WAIT to grow up and get out of the house so I could buy tampons and be done with it. No overflow, no smell, no mess in disposing (how much easier can it be than to flush the thing?), no sticking to the pubes/pubic hair...whew.
I shaved in my teens to avoid the ouchies when I used the potty while on the rag...I kept it up as an adult partly because I liked the feel, and partly because it's just easier to keep clean.
Heck, I still remember one time when I had my annual gynie...the doctor I got at my clinic was an intern who apparently had never been presented with a bare beaver before. His reaction was to stumble around verbally to me, in front of the nurse (who was heroically trying not to fall apart laughing), and finally manage to ask me if I shaved because I thought I had crabs. Imagine the nurse literally having to sit down and laugh in minor hysterics when I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at this poor intern, only to say, "No, I don't have crabs. I have a boyfriend who likes the look of a bare pussy." The poor intern nearly fell backwards off his stool, the nurse is laughing like mad, I flopped back down to await the rest of the gynie. And yes, I DO have a wicked sense of humor at times. Hey, if someone paints a target on their ass and bends over, who am I not to shoot?
[Oh yeah, the tampon/pads wars. I was in college when toxic-shock syndrome hit and a lot of women went looking for alternatives. My first experience with a partner who trimmed was someone who did it for the same reason you did: easier cleanup during menses and fewer hairs pulled by the sticky wing things. Thanks, Cameo. --fl]